A few years ago,
I was was working in a club in Scotland. We closed early one night so i decided I'd pop over to the bar we all went to on sundays and have a wee pint. I was in there for about half an hour - sober - amongst a bar full of drunk people. That didn't last long though, quite a few of the local girls started buying me nasty little shots with nasty little names and things got blurry.

Anyhow, i noticed across the bar a tall blonde woman was wearing a hustler shirt. She made eye contact and when i said "nice shirt", she lifted it. A bit unexpected, but later I end up at her house drinking coffee and whisky while she talked on the phone to someone. After maybe twenty minutes she finished her conversation and we went outside for a smoke, got halfway through before the tongue-wrestling began, then up to her room.

She must have been early thirties, but had a stunning body. I got her clothes off and noticed she had very nice lady bits so I went down town for pizza. Thought i did a marvelous job, and when I couldn't hold back any longer I came up and mounted her.

She was asleep.

This is what I did:

Pulled out, got dressed and took her bottle of whiskey for the walk home.

This is what i should have done:

Stuck it in her arse, jizzed under her pillow and taken the whiskey home.
Fucking wish i had.

Turns out she had a boyfriend who approached me at work a week later, I denied everything, he was a cunt anyway. And it turns out quite a few of the local ladies fancied me, hence the free shots. I never had a clue. Now I'm on the other side of the world in a long term relationship with one of Hitler's offspring.


Sorry about the length not being used more deviously on that cunts girlfriend.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 1:17, 40 replies)

I call bullshit
If you were working in a bar in Scotland, you'd know they spell it "whisky".
(McChinaman banned, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 7:06, closed)

counter call of bullshit
if you were in Scotland would you be working at all?
or for that matter educated/sober enough to spell whiskey?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 10:48, closed)

get tae fuck yabasssard
And the OP sounds like a lovely person. I mean, who doesn't wish they hadn't raped a passed-out woman, hey?
(jennymnemonic, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:21, closed)

/\ to many spaces between words/\
i my humble but long experience it would go some thing like this
GEteafuchhkyewegobshitebassard
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:39, closed)

B- for spelling mistakes
Gettaefuckyaweegobshitebasstit
(square go, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:13, closed)

So your biggest regret is not committing rape?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:23, closed)

Oh man. Brilliant.
You didn't sodomise an unconscious girl. You're a proper gent. And not a creepy wannabe rapist.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:40, closed)

b3ta.com/talk/7404147
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 11:58, closed)

Wow. You regret NOT raping someone?
Fucking hell.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:01, closed)

Fuck off back to mumsnet.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:04, closed)

Haha I can't believe you didn't rape an unconcious girl. What are you, some kind of faggot?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:13, closed)

Haha you're such a Lad
Cunt
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 12:15, closed)

I think you're all missing a key point.
He 'pulled out,' which to me implies that he penetrated an unconscious woman. Sounds pretty rapey to me.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 13:13, closed)

So the story really is 'I regret not finishing up the rape I was in the middle of doing on an unconcious woman'.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 10 Dec 2011, 13:25, closed)

Exactly.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 14:00, closed)

Oh hang on...
'when I couldn't hold back any longer I came up and mounted her.

She was asleep.'

So not only is he not very good at cunnilingus he IS a rapist.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 10 Dec 2011, 14:37, closed)

I'm 50/50
On whether this is actually a nicely weighted bit of trolling
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 15:14, closed)

She must have been early thirties, BUT had a stunning body... dont you mean AND, or are you 12?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 18:11, closed)

When i spelled it 'whisky' it turned red so i went american on it.
I was twenty, and I say stunning because she hadn't had kids so the finer details were all good. You know, stretch marks, nipples and such.
I THOUGHT I was doing a marvelous job - being twenty and very drunk, I mean i only had a hard on because i was twenty.
And i regret not shagging all the other girls in town due to being captain oblivious himself.


It was a decent drop though, a fine single malt.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 19:16, closed)

So, you're a rapist with refined tastes then?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 20:27, closed)

Cheer up.
I've done my fair share of anal rape. To be honest, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 19:45, closed)

I like to think I have taste.
And I was not aware of consent being withdrawn.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 20:30, closed)

You're honestly too thick to understand any of this, aren't you?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 16:41, closed)

Tell it to the judge, Glitter.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 19:21, closed)

fair legal point
Morally corrupt, but there are very few DPP's that would touch this.
(justin(e), Tue 13 Dec 2011, 15:39, closed)

Yeah, I'm clicking 'I like this' in the hope that your 'I raped a woman and wish I'd raped her more'' post gets on the popular page.
That way, even if it is just trolling, you'll be stuck with it anyway.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 22:01, closed)

Thats actually a brilliant title, I regret not thinking of that myself.

(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 22:13, closed)

So you regret being poor with words
but not being a rapist.

It's a shame you've written all this from an account that's so easily traceable back to you.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 10:26, closed)

I woke up once to find The Lovely Mrs Ring of Fire sucking my cock.
It's only now, after reading these replies, that I realise I should have immediately phoned the police.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 11 Dec 2011, 12:11, closed)

Would you have felt any different
if she had woken you up by buggering you with a strap-on? And not been your wife?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 16:30, closed)

No. I'd immediately phone the police then as well.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:10, closed)

Hurray! It's the point-missing white knight patrol!

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 16:49, closed)

Boo,
it's someone taking a joke too seriously.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:10, closed)

God bless you Ringo, always willing to fight the corner of the sex offender.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:20, closed)

It's time the prejudice faced by the sex offending community was confronted.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 11 Dec 2011, 17:35, closed)

I'm now guessing,
Maybe I shouldn't post the stories about my experiments with pyronecropaedophilia.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 21:58, closed)

the stories about my experiments with pyronecropaedophilia.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 9:04, closed)

Devastating put-down.
Nice, they should leave that one open for ever.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 20:29, closed)

Actually,
The biggest regret? Not drawing a dick on her forehead - with six hairs on each ball.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 21:33, closed)

Perhaps Shambo
You should take your own advise
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 12:24, closed)