Can't think whether I've posted this before...
One day the missus woke up and decided we needed a trampoline. I heartily agreed, having realised months earlier that these £250 You've-Been-Framed-worthy spinal mishaps weren't going to magic themselves out of thin air, and so off we trooped to our nearest DIY store (mentioning no names, but I suspect theirs stood for Bellends and Quunts).

We walked in and immediately spotted what we were looking for - An eight-foot trampoline in a box. We decided against the optional safety net (which, if anything, served no purpose other than to give you something to tangle your leg in after you've fallen off the bloody thing), and so lugged the box to the till.

The cashier was about to scan the barcode when he noticed something. "It's not all there" he grunted.
"Isn't it?" we enquired.
"No, look" he replied, pointing at the label. "It says 'Box 1 of 1'"
"Yes?"
"So you need box 2 of 2 as well" he explained.
"Oh, I s- What?"
"It says Box 1 of 1, so you need to go and get Box 2 of 2. It should be on the same shelf"
We weren't convinced. "Surely 'Box 1 of 1' means there's only one box, and it's this one?" we asked.
"No, there's a Box 2 of 2 as well."
Now, this was a Sunday morning. And clearly there's something special about Sunday mornings that makes your brain extra-malleable and willing to believe any old toot, be it tales of invisible sky-wizards or imaginary boxes of trampoline parts, because we decided to humour this man. We ambled back to the shelf, cashier close behind, to look for box 2 of 2. Imagine our surprise when we found a metric arseload of box 1 of 1s, but precisely zero box 2 of 2s. It was almost as if they didn't exist.
At this point, the penny dropped with the cashier.
"They must all be out the back."
Fucking hell.
"I'll just go and check"
He just went and checked. Meanwhile, we enjoyed the feeling of our Sunday slowly ebbing away, pulled by a tide of tosswittery. A few minutes later, he returned. At this point, you may be ahead of me.
"There's none out the back" he revealed.
We were agog. It was time to try a different tack.
"Tell you what" we said, "Why don't we just take box 1 of 1 now, and then come back another day to pick up box 2 of 2?" Brilliant plan, chiz chiz.
"Hang on" he replied, completely ignoring our ingenious idea, "I'll just ask my colleague"
Aha! Someone to gently point out his dimbuggery in words he might understand! He called over Darren, a boy in an orange shirt.
"They want to buy this trampoline, but we can only find box 1 of 1, there's no box 2 of 2 anywhere" he explained to Darren.
"Well yeah, because there's only meant to be one box. That's what 'Box 1 of 1' means. There's one box, and this is it"
...is what Darren would've said in a perfect world.
"Have you checked out the back?" is what he actually said.
"Yeah"
Cue gentle sobbing. But wait! All was not lost.
"I'll check the computer" the cashier suggested. "There might be a box 2 of 2 at another branch."
Well yes, if they've just opened a branch that deals in fictional boxes, we could be in luck. To the computer!

The computer was surrounded by two more employees. Now, at this point you might think one of them would see what was going on, smack someone upside the head and calmly explain that there was no box 2 of 2.

Or you might not.

"No, there's none in the Bedford branch..."
"Have you tried Huntingdon?"
"No, I'll try them too"
"I can give them a ring and ask"
"What about Cambridge? They usually have loads"
"No, they've only got box 1 of 1"
"There, look, click on Wisbech, they've got - Oh no, that's a lawnmower"
"Have you checked out the back?"

As far as I know, they're still there to this day.
(costas, Mon 14 May 2012, 23:51, 7 replies)

Fredwun right here.

(SlantedScience, Tue 15 May 2012, 1:30, closed)

hooray!
How did you stop yourself from asking about box 3 of 3?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 15 May 2012, 5:27, closed)

In other news...
we managed to keep this couple waiting for ages by insisting that there was going to be a box 2 of 2 after they brought us a box 1 of 1. Got all the staff involved looking in the back and even on the computer.
(karnuvap, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:13, closed)

Given the locations you've listed there...
Would it be wrong to assume you were in St Neots branch?
( snee held his breath since, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:23, closed)

Or Stevenage.

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:40, closed)

To be perfectly fair
B&Q trampolines do normally come in 2 boxes, 1 being the trampoline, and 2 being the netting etc. I have one ruining a large patch of grass in my back garden.

If I remember correctly, if you buy just the non-net version, you would normally just take 'box 1 of 2'. So, maybe it was a mislabel.

That's not to say the server wasn't being a bit slow, but B&Q servers aren't usually employed for their thermonuclear physics skills anyway, right?
(username failed moderation, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:03, closed)

Off topic somewhat
but I know someone who installed a trampoline in their back garden a while back. This tidbit is more exciting than it sounds, because I say "installed" as they dug a mahoosive pit into the garden and sunk the aforementioned trampoline so that it is at ground level.

Bloody GENIUS I tell you.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Wed 16 May 2012, 6:58, closed)