» Conspiracy Theories

Christopher Reeves wheelchair
was made of kryptonite.
(Thu 1st Dec 2011, 14:27, More)

» Conversation Killers

Back to around 1980. I had a radio cassette recorder, that
I used to take everywhere with me.

Most Sundays I would religiously rush home in time to listen to the Top 40, and record all the tunes I wanted, to be played over the coming week. I also had a rather nasty habit, as was not uncommon in 13 year old boys, of recording other miscelany such as burps and farts.

So, I'm sure you've guessed where we're going here.

Grandma and Grandad were coming to stay for the week. They used to get the train from their house in Surrey, to redhill. My parents would pick them up from there.

In the car with Mum, picked up said grandparents, we're driving home, chattering away happily. Mum has borrowed last weeks top 40 tape to play in the car. Approaching Westerham, some jaunty Michael Jackson tune or similar is playing.

. . . living off the waaaaall . . . .

*crackle, crunch *

"Wait, wait, I've got one coming" *giggling sounds, banging and crashing noises*

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!"

*more giggling sounds*

"you dirty cunt!"

*laughter* *cruch, bang*

. . . . living off the wall . . . .

Silence. Granny looking at Mum, Grandad looking at me, Mum staring at the road ahead, all thinking 'Was that what I thought it was???'.
(Wed 18th May 2011, 11:31, More)

» Amazing Projects

My Dad and brother, working together.
My dad used to tinker with motorbikes. He had a few around, and sometimes used to canibalise one as spares for another.

One day he was having a cleanup, and wanted to take the old frame from one to the dump. So he got a hacksaw, sawed it in half and stuck it in the boot of the car.

When he got home, he found my brother, who was 5 at the time, had thought this a rather jolly wheeze, and had sawed his own perfectly serviceable bicycle in half.
(Thu 17th Nov 2011, 16:12, More)

» Christmas Tales

Something Youtube has almost got cornered now, but in real life it's fun
2008, my brother was on tour in Iraq, and wasn't supposed to be home until the 28th, so would miss Christmas with the family.

He's in the air corp and wangled a flight home on the 24th, and called me to quietly arrange to pick him up at Brize Norton and take him back to our mothers house, where all our families were all assembling - about 15 people, including 6 kids.

(nobody except my other brother knew this was happening)

I grabbed a Santa suit on the way, picked him up and he changed in the car.

So I walk into my mothers house, and told the kids we had a surprise guest. He walks in, they all go 'yay! Santa!', then his 5 year old son recognises him and all fucking hell breaks loose.

Quite a merry Christmas.
(Thu 19th Dec 2013, 16:44, More)

» Weird Rituals

Hmm. Wonder if this counts
Kid in our class at school used to seemingly randomly go to various girls in the class at morning registration, and just say 'Thank you' to them, and wander off. Just one each day, some days he wouldn't do it at all.

Occasionally he'd do it to the teacher.

He then rather stupidly admitted to one of his friends that in fact that was the person he had been thinking about when he had a wank the previous night. This took about a nanosecond to go round the whole school, and as of the second year of college 5 years later was pretty much still the leading topic of conversation.
(Fri 16th Dec 2011, 16:47, More)