my life is a load of cringeworthy situations with worky bits in between
to say i am a real life bridget jones would be an understatement.I often 'fuck up' and make 'a boo boo' on a day to day basis. one time that came to my head upon reading the title of this weeks QOTW was when I tried my hand at impressing the new and very sexy member of staff that joined our ward at the hospital where i worked. I purposely wasted my make up on going into work one day, and put my slightly tighter uniform on, in the hope he would come and drop off a patient to me that day.

He did.. He came to my desk (my heart starts doing 500 beats per minute) and for a split second i still recon he looked at me and thought ''she looks alright today''.. So i manage to maintain my professionality through listening about the patient were discussing, until.. for whatever fucking reason, i start telling him about a demented loud twat of a patient we had in earlier who had been pissing all over the floor, generally being a pain in the fucking ass (through no demented fault of his own of course).. so i was going through telling him the funny things said patient had been getting up to whilst casually flicking my hair, chewing my pen when he spoke back, you know, acting like a teenager talking to a crush..

It was a good conversation actually.. until about 10 minutes in he decides to tell me that the pen i have been sucking on while we spoke was leaking ink all over my fucking face. I ran to the patient toilet and basically my face was more fucking blue than it was face coloured... and my teeth, and my ear, ALL OVER MY FUCKING FACE.. fucing mortified. and to make matters worse, my failed attempots of using alco wipes to get the shit off wasnt good enough, and when he came in with another patient 2 hours later my teeth and gums were still fucking blue.

But to be honest this is nothing. I once fell head first in to an oven after hitting my ass on the kitchen bin infront of about 5 people..my nose went through a metal tray of chips (that were ready to come out btw) and when i did get my head out of the shitting oven i had hot fat in a perfect circle on the tip of my nose.

I once tried to impress a aload of firemen who were stopped at a red light in their fire truck by deciding (for whatever fucking reason) i would leapfrog over a bollard.. gave it ago.. forgot i had a skirt on.. queue bollard coming straight towards my face.. I was stuck, by my skirt, upsideown with my face at the bottom of a fucking bollard. one of them kindly got out of his truck and un-hooked me.

The stories i have are fucking endless. I hate my life.
(nettestar meeow, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 19:30, 12 replies)

youre my hero
seriously funny.
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 22:13, closed)

i have no idea why i felt the need to share.
(nettestar meeow, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 23:12, closed)

Ding
Shockingly it's stories like this that actually make a girl attractive. Well...provided you're not a participant in said stories.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 23:51, closed)

lolz
"...my nose went through a metal tray of chips"
I have just spat tomato juice all over my netbook thanks to that. I don't know why I found it so funny, but that's the funniest fucking thing I have read in a long time.
Have a click !!
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 12:05, closed)

YOU
are fucking brilliant!
( catweasle neither a cat nor a weasle, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 16:25, closed)

seconded!

(bumless The man with the hole in the middle, Sun 24 Jan 2010, 0:40, closed)

PS
Why the hell did he wait that long to tell you? bugger.
(bumless The man with the hole in the middle, Sun 24 Jan 2010, 0:42, closed)

id say it was because he is a cunt.
(nettestar meeow, Sun 24 Jan 2010, 15:06, closed)

Big time clicky...
....as you sound fucking brilliant! X!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Sun 24 Jan 2010, 1:58, closed)

Brilliant!
Simply, brilliant.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Sun 24 Jan 2010, 3:00, closed)

click for...
sheer volume. Also the skirt story made me do a snort.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 15:56, closed)

A Click
For a great story, and reminding me not to read b3ta while drinking coffee

Again
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 23:40, closed)