I should have been a stuntman.
Picture the scene... It's a beautiful Friday evening on Oxford St. I've just left work after a couple of cheeky beers in the office, and am wandering up the street towards the bus stop. And then I spot a 73, in all its old Routemaster glory, waiting at the traffic lights. So I start running after it. And it starts moving off. So I run a bit faster.

By this time I have an audience - some girls looking out the back window from the top deck are cheering me on - so naturally efforts are redoubled. The bus is moving quite quickly now, and I don't know if I'll make it... But I'm there! With a gazelle like spring, I'm on! Nice'n'safe, one foot on the platform, both hands around the pole. Phew.

At which point, the strap on the record-bag style, erm, bag, slung over my shoulder, decides to snap. And with that sudden jerk, my feet slip off the platform, my hands slide down the pole and my body ends up stretched out on the road, being dragged up London's busiest - but not, take it from me, smoothest - street.

So at this point, the bus is gathering speed, steaming up Oxford St with me fishtailing along the road behind it... I didn't dare let go cos I had no idea what was coming behind me, and I was pulled a good 150 meters before I managed to crane my neck behind me and see the road was clear. So I let go, eventually skidding and rolling to a stop.

I'm not exaggerating, but my little escapade had brought Oxford St to a standstill. People just stopped and stared open mouthed. I got up, brushed myself off and walked about 50 yards back to where a woman was standing holding the remains of my bag.

"Are you alright?!" she asked, clearly expecting me to be dead.

"A lot better than I should be," I mumbled, taking the bag and limping off to the tube (decided against the bus), face burning with embarrassment. The pain only started when I was safely downstairs and hurt overcame the shame.

Since Oxford St has more cctv per mile than anywhere else on the planet, I'm still expecting this footage to appear on 'Aren't People Cunts III'.

And people moan about bendy buses. I think they're fucking great.
( FridgeBadger, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 11:15, 1 reply)

Superb!
Have a hearty click.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 16:57, closed)