Everyone loves wavy lines, right? I'm sure everyone loves wavy lines.
~~wavy lines~~

University halls, arse end of the 90s; there was a long, reasonably steep road, with a speed bump and a bend at the bottom. Wandering back from lectures, or the pub, or something - probably stoned - I saw a girl making the descent on a pair of rollerblades. She cut an impressive figure; crouched down into a racing stance, slim, toned, her long brown hair blowing in the wind - she sailed effortlessly past, knees flexing to account for the speedbump without her upper body moving at all. Quite aside from the fact that she was reasonably attractive, her graceful economy of movement was a thing of genuine beauty. My gaze briefly followed as she rapidly disappeared away, into the fog of my then lamentable short term memory.

Turning back to my walk home, it became apparent that she was merely the appetizer to the substantial main course. Her 'big boned' friend, bedecked like the Michelin Man in all the protective gear money can buy, was approaching at a speed that was clearly very worrying to her, and also to any innocent bystanders in her path. Face beet red, stature bolt upright, and arms windmilling like a mong in an MMA ring, she hurtled past with a plaintive wail that rose and then immediately fell in a Doppler shift of unadulterated panic and misery. I turned in time to see her reach the speedbump; I don't know how, or why, but the centre of her not inconsiderable gravity seemed to be placed several yards above her head, and the moment her blades simultaneously touched the rise she pivoted violently backwards, never bending in the slightest - and with a distinctly audible "crack", hit the deck like the fist of an angry god.

She was groggily up and on her way before long. Which is just as well, as I was too crippled with laughter to actually do anything constructive. Hopefully, her padding - both natural and purchased - protected her from any real harm

tl;dr: fat chick falls over, suffers potential brain damage.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Oct 2014, 2:01, 2 replies)

Gets a click from me.
Cheered me right up on what is potentially the most miserable Monday morning of late.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 6 Oct 2014, 8:08, closed)

Bastard!
" like a mong in an MMA ring"

In a vain effort not to laugh out loud, I squirted coke out of my nose onto my brand new keyboard. I would clean it out but I fear fizzy bogeys.
(csdaveuk, Mon 6 Oct 2014, 10:25, closed)