PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP - or how the vuvuzela ruined my weekend
I live in Cape Town. Right opposite the world's biggest toilet seat Cape Town Stadium. For said stadium to be built, seven sports fields and a golf course had to be bulldozed and approximately 50 million homeless had to be coaxed to put down their Crackling* and be moved to a less salubrious area for the duration. Sounds awfully familiar *coughapartheidchoke* but I digress.

When this whole World cup thing kicked off (see what I did there?) there were numerous restrictions placed on residents living around the stadium area. Among these

*No parking in the road before and after games
*No loitering on pavements before and after games (in other words, unless you're going to a match, fuck off back inside you cheap bastards)
*Residents are encouraged to vacate their premises during the tournament in order to facilitate housing (we want your house, and good luck getting anything out of us for it).

My housemates and I duly considered this situation, and decided that we'd comply, whatever, it's just a fucking game, right?

Until the tourists started in on local customs. Namely, the vuvuzela.

From June 11th, we've been subjected to a never-ending cacophony op retards and drunks playing the only note the Devil's FOghorn can play. From 6.30am to Pooflake-knows-when, we hear all the greatest hits:

6.30: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP
9.30: PA PA PA PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRP
12.00: MEEP (Bafana had a shit game)
14.30: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART (Kuduzelas start)
20.30: PARP PARP PARP PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP (WE SCORED!!!!!! LADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! PARPARPARPARPARPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP)

Revenge, as they say, is best served loudly.

MY mate Tiaan installs car audio in taxis. As those of you who have come to SA know, our minibus taxis are known for their ability to fit a primary school inside their clapped-out deathtraps and for their sound systems. One can hear these guys' bass (above the screams of his passengers) from about a KM away.

We built a rig consisting of 4 of the biggest fucking bassbins I've ever seen (here) coupled to a truck horn. We aimed this behemoth out of the window of our ground floor flat, pointing at the traffic lights.

Take 1: We have 4 young guys, drinking from cans of Castle and shouting at each other. THey have the horns. Good thing we have the horn for them!

Drunk aggro guy (DAG): Aweh BAFANA!!!! *PAAAAAARP
Us: OK then BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

That's what it sounded like. Those guys just ran.

10 minutes later, the cops turned up and made us dismantle it. We were fined for disturbing the peace, and warned that next time we would be locked up.

So that's it, really. How the man stuck it (the vuvuzela) to us.

First serious (and vaguely coherent) post - *pop*

EDIT: Linky now fixed. Apologies :)
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 23:44, 8 replies)

Smashing story ...
As a well-mannered Brit, may I offer my sincere apologies for the indignities, inconvenience and pools of vomit and excrement inflicted upon you by the worst of my countrymen (emphasis on the first syllable).

PS. Can't open the link.
(Que?, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 23:49, closed)

No worries mate
I'm sure that the majority of Brits are lovely, well-behaved people.
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 0:10, closed)

Ah hah haaaaaa ...
Great work. That sound system ought to be on top of a lighthouse.
(Que?, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 0:21, closed)

Link no worky!
:-(
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 23:53, closed)

Crackling?
ris pls
(ragged, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 9:01, closed)

Apologies
Crackling: cheap nasty sparkling wine comprising 15 percent alcohol and 85 percent fermented cadaver. Comparable to Diamond White. Costs about R20/£1.50 for 1.5 litres. Normally associated with the homeless and people who listen to gangsta rap.
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 9:32, closed)

Nicely done!
Next, find one of those 'death noise' machines Saddam Hussein always swore the CIA had in order to kill him through the telephone, hook it up to your system and blart it at a load of pissed idiots before they get back on the plane...
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 23 Jun 2010, 14:04, closed)

*click*
"For said stadium to be built, seven sports fields and a golf course had to be bulldozed and approximately 50 million homeless had to be coaxed to put down their Crackling* and be moved to a less salubrious area for the duration."
That really sucks.

That you were made to dismantle the magnificient buuurp device sucks too, but good work anyway.
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 22:00, closed)