Even as a very young child, I found the drudgery of Mass soul destroying.
One Sunday morning, my 4 year old self was leaning over the edge of the chapel gallery, chin rested in my hands. I was gazing across the heads of those below and out the window. The sun was tempting me, bursting bright through stained glass with promises of a day playing tig or football. But my young mind knew that a vexatious priest was against me. This particular perpetrator was renowned for ensuring that Mass lasted the entire hour. But today his timing was slightly askew. At fifty minutes the congregation looked at each other, knowing that a final "go in peace to love and serve the Lord." was all that stood between us and freedom. Perhaps today would be the day that he would release his flock onto the world with an extra ten minutes to enjoy God's Glory! The priest glanced at his watch and having seen his predicament announced "We will now sing the processional hymn once more..."

A resigned silence descended on the gathering. From my elevated perch, I piped up.

"Ah, for fuck's sake."

My voice erupted like an angel's clarion, bouncing along the nave and across the chapel, from rafter to rafter. The sheer volume of my utterance caught me entirely off guard. Stunned, I glanced behind me to a boy from my street. His father cuffed him one, mistaking my look of shock for his son's guilt in the matter.

My own dad was not so easily deceived. He grabbed the back of my trousers and wrenched me onto the pew in an attempt to conceal the perpetrator. The priest ignored my blasphemy and tried to start the hymn off. But deep down the congregation knew and the lie of denial hung in the air, shaming them all. It was a long 10 minutes until we went in peace.

My granduncle said it was the greatest thing he'd ever heard said in that chapel. It still gets talked about at family gatherings.
( masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:11, 2 replies)

I feckin' like this.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:28, closed)

I wouldn't go that far but
I quite like this, though.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 28 May 2013, 23:14, closed)