Beer
Let's just say I had something of a reputation for tightness. (Completely undeserved I might add).

I once bought some beer from Netto as liquid accompaniment to a poker session round a mate's.

Being somewhat "careful" with money and good with numbers, I worked out that, in terms of the alcohol being consumed, it was better value to buy 16 cans of Norseman Lager (at a blistering 1.39% ABV and 65 for 4 cans) rather than Normal Beer.
(I kid you not about the 2nd decimal place. They were so keen to promote their beer that they felt justified in giving it that second decimal place).

Believe me it is not possible to drink quickly enough to get drunk. It was easier to just sit on the toilet drinking rather than have to get up constantly. Or even better, just throw it straight down the growler.
(Consider the Science: This muck is about 3 times weaker than Proper Beer. A good pace is 2 pints an hour, therefore you have to drink 6 pints of this stuff to acheive the same effects. Have you ever tried to drink 6 pints an hour, every hour, until the end of the night? Imagine the strain on the old bladder. Oooooo.).

The final impossibility is then to try and lose the title of "Weak Beer Man".
Bugger.
(markthebrewer doesn't know if he's coming or going or coming, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:32, 3 replies)

Sounds like false economy if youre on a water meter
.
(Miggyman, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 13:32, closed)

Reminds me of my maths GCSE coursework...
I worked out you had to drink something like 82 litres of Kaliber to get over the drink-drive limit.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 14:39, closed)

I knew
You'd have a lot of stories for this QOTW!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:52, closed)