I think I have the master twattery story. His involves someone I used to know, not me.
I used to know a tiny little Japanese lass. On New Years Eve 1999 she was walking home at about 3am. A guy comes up to her and says that he thinks she is beautiful and he's going to a party and would she like to come. She says no but the guy keeps persisting. As she tries to walk away from him he grabs her by the hair and then the throat. He starts to drag her away from the street and into a dark alley.
At this point her arms are flailing in ineffectual punches. He gets her towards the alley (as far as the side of the road) and she stops flailing.
She was only doing that to see if he was armed. Her father was a martial arts instructor and had been teaching her since she was about five (actively practising for over 25 years). She then proceeds to kick the living fuck out of the twat and leaves him in a crumpled heap in the middle of the road.
She did this to such an extent that the guy called the police and claimed that she'd attacked him. The police find her, she explains, they check the CCTV cameras, the guy goes to prison.
Result:D
( riverghost servicing your mum since, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 14:45, 4 replies)

Haaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha
That was his first mistake.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 15:46, closed)

When I first worked on a US base in Hawaii, there was a news report of a similar situ
A few thugs attacked an elderly Asian visitor, obviously thinking they had an easy target in the 70-ish little man. Little man was a sensei, 7th-degree black belt in martial arts who was in town for a world martial arts convention... as the guest of honor. He took a few hits and then proceeded to hand them their asses on a platter. The police were puzzled as to why he didn't defend himself sooner.

A co-worker-- a 3rd-degree black belt himself-- explained to me that the sensei was following a code of honor in allowing the lesser opponents a few hits. Having assessed their abilities and allowing them to even things up a bit, he would have then made clear and competent defensive moves. Then offensive ones. As they failed to recognize that they were outmatched and should withdraw, he then proceeded to the ass-kicking they so well deserved.

Oh, how we laughed!
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 17:49, closed)

Reminds me of this little incident...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6A0XE25MBc
Not sure of the details but it seems 2 idiots decided to have a go at a UFC fighter. Dont know how good he is but he did have time to get his phone out, select video and start filming the afore mentioned fools whilst defending himself.
(northerncock, Sun 15 Apr 2012, 18:19, closed)

Similar thing happened...
Similar thing happened to my brother, a few mates and their Tai Kwon Do instructor who were out in Exeter for some beers and got involved with some locals.

In court it showed the instructor walking backwards the entire length of the street not wanting to have a fight before hospitalizing two of the twats.

Everyone had a good laugh at that one.
(bluehamster, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 13:47, closed)