Being Unemployed
There are a number of beautiful stages that you will go through:

1) Elation - The sheer freedom! A time in your life where you can look forward and think, in the next few MONTHS I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I can go anywhere, do anything (O.K. money might be a bit tight) but I AM FREE!

2) The Art of Sleep - Every day is the weekend. Sleep in until 11am. Then 12noon. Then 2pm. Then until when you get up its actually dark outside. Your slumber is so deep and relaxing that time is of no importance now.

3) Procrastination - After 3 weeks of living like a vampire, those computer games you have over-played are becoming tiresome. You are becoming increasingly frustrated with Phil and Fearns perpetual faux-happyness and smutty innuendos. You are ready to smash the T.V. after yet another glorious and smug attempt by Jeremy Kyle to belittle some working class scum-bag who beat up his daughter while shagging his own gran.

4) Depression. Months have passed and you can barely even sleep anymore. If you do it's at precisely the wrong time, perhaps when that girl you fancy is round and you miss everything. You have been gorging yourself on discount frozen pizza, out of date meat products and outrageous amounts of coffee. There is no structure to your life. It is sleep, watch daytime T.V., eat shit, shit shit and then struggle in vain to sleep. Hygiene is out the window, self-respect is at an all-time low. You hate even shopping or wandering the streets for fear that you will be exposed by the layman as the dithering piece of worthless shit that you are.

5. Suicide.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 10:39, 8 replies)

I've been through every stage there
except 5, obviously.

*click*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 11:08, closed)

5
Is definitely overrated. Eat a bag of Doritos instead.

When I got to 4, I went out and got a job delivering pizzas. Nice enough job, free pizza, gain back some self respect and employers prefer to employ someone who's already employed.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 17:07, closed)

I'm at step 4.
But I didn't feel any better when I was employed.

Have a click.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 3 Apr 2009, 11:10, closed)

I need help...
I'm at stage 4 now but I actually work.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 11:14, closed)

Excellent
Sums it all up really.......
(Pork2311, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 11:45, closed)

Nooooooooo
I'm likely to be made redundant in the next few weeks.

Please don't scare me like this!
(Wooden meal is. Or is he?, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 12:14, closed)

Don't be scared
Just skip straight to number 5.........
(Pork2311, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 12:26, closed)

Thanks All
Made a small adjustment in lieu of the interest.

For those to be made unemployed enjoy stage 1 and 2 while you can - they are truely beautiful times of your life. I am in work (and seriously get fuck all holidays) so I envy those days. Enjoy them while you can.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 3 Apr 2009, 13:43, closed)