take a seat..............
my innocence was lost way back. A first attempt was ruined by my mate bursting in when a game of ‘postman’s knock’ got a bit lairy and I was about to pump some meat. So later on, I was going out with this girl and my mate had a Christmas party round his. Being the suave bloke I am, I offered he upstairs. She said ok, which was a miracle, into the spare room we went. Anyhoo, after feeding the pony and checking the mic for a while, I suggested we try a new game of bury the trumpet. The reply was positive, so out came the jonny I’d had in my wallet for 6 months, and on it went. Squelch, fart, rumble, awkward, bing, bang, wallop, the deed was done. Unfortunately Mr jonny had decided he’d had enough and disappeared during the main event. He was in the bed sheets, so we told him off and flushed him away.
A few months later of keeping my mouth shut came to ruins when matey told me he’d just nobbed his bird for the first time. I couldn’t hold back, told him the whole story and how I’d kept quiet. He wasn’t impressed as he shared the bed with his missus that night and thought it felt a bit damp, but put it down to the window being open.
( robbydogg - shabba best before end.., Mon 7 Mar 2005, 20:13, Reply)