Combined with the shits
A couple of years ago I was off snowboarding with my bro. Unbeknownst to me I was carrying the norovirus. It struck on the Saturday night when I started to feel rather queasy. So, rather than head out and get drunk I opted to stay in the chalet. Nice and social. Good thing too because when it hits it hits hard and takes no prisoners.

The force at which your body expels the contents of your stomache is really quite breathtaking. I don't think I'd ever seen projectile vomitting before yet here I was doing it straight into the toilet. And don't think that just because there is nothing left in the tank that that's the end of it. The only thing more painful than projectile vomming you stomache out is projectile vomming nothing at all. The force was enough to burst several blood vessels around my eyes making me look like I'd been in a fight. And the muscles around your ribs take an utter pounding.

Unfortunately, the norovirus is a two-for-one deal and with the vomming comes the shits. When you're not doubled over the rim you're shitting endless amounts of rusty water. And don't even think about farting. That's a gamble you won't win. Fortunately, it's over withing 48 hours. You stay contageous for another couple of days. In the end half the chalet had it and a quaranteened toilet for the infected was imposed.

I wish this story had a happy ending but my guts were not the same for the rest of the week. At one point instead of hooning through Les Arcs best off piste I was enthroned for 40 minutes, softly sobbing to myself while my sorry and sore arse cried rivers of brown sadness.

Still, at least the vomiting was over.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 20:01, 7 replies)

Click well earned
"softly sobbing to myself while my sorry and sore arse cried rivers of brown sadness"

A wordsmith of the highest order. Have a click.
(SalRossi Laughter the best medicine? Nurse, penicillin....., Thu 7 Jan 2010, 20:46, closed)

That's exactly the phrase I was going to quote!
Have another click.
(anvil, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 21:04, closed)

Aw, thanks
I can't claim it, though. That honour belongs to a bloke called Hani who writes a rude programming blog. I love it though and it was funny and accurate.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 21:19, closed)

No matter
you put it to good use.

Last bit reminded me of when I got food poisoning in Morrocco. Over a fortnight of extremely dodgy guts is not fun. On the plus side, I lost 2 stone and never put it back on. :)
(ninja chinchilla, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 22:59, closed)

I'm clicking for
"And don't even think about farting. That's a gamble you won't win"

:D :D
(harrumph, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 19:23, closed)

Yeah
that's the clincher for me, made me laugh furiously (if that's possible)
(Captain Sensible "I'll be your animal in a yellow plastic bin", Sat 9 Jan 2010, 1:33, closed)

aye, beautiful poetry that
(Turbo Blackbeard And then squirry the squirrel went nee nee nee nee, Sun 10 Jan 2010, 15:12, closed)