The lump.
I think this takes place in about year 4. I think that would have made me about 8 or 9 years old. Anyway, I was in class, learning about history. I was sitting next to a girl who I'm now very good friends with, which makes this story something I constantly remind her of. Anyway, it was about January, when we're all a little miserable, and flu-ey. But her, she looked positively death-like. Pale complexion, ruffled hair, sunken eyes, and an interesting tinge of green in her cheeks. As soon as she walked in that day, we all pretty much guaranteed what the first thing she said would be. "Miiiiss...I don't feel very weeeeell...", In the usual sing-song voice that teachers encouraged us to address them in, although it was nothing more than a parody of its usual alleged sweetness this time. "It's okay, Samantha. It'll just be the flu. Sit down next to almightyjoey, and let me know if you feel any worse". So she did.

It's worth mentioning that when I was a kid, I was a little emetophobic. I've since gotten over it completely, but as a kid, just the mention of vomit would freak me out. It started when my dad said he had a bad stomach, and taken some alka-seltzers one day when I was young. Next thing I remember was hearing the man I looked up to vomiting for about an hour, making noises that I would imagine a dying buffalo squeezing its stomach through its throat would make. Ergo, when Samantha sat next to me, I was a little uneasy. It didn't help when she was occasionally retching and "ulp"ing during the lesson.

After a while, perhaps as close as 10 minutes to lunch break, I had completely forgotten about Sam's illness. She stopped making horrid chundering noises, and I was getting quite engrossed in the lesson. Then, I had a cruel reminder. She started to wave her arms frantically under her seat, and made a guttural "Blurgh" noise in her throat. I looked at her (with a freaked out expression, I imagine) and she looked back. "I'm going to be sick" was all she said. Then everything went in slow motion.

Her arm raised. I edged my seat slowly away from her. The teacher turned to us. "What is i--" was all the teacher could say before this flowing, cascading torrent of beige erupted out of Sam's mouth. Right from the "Blurgh", I'd knew this was coming, so I was completely on edge. As soon as her face exploded with tan-hued goo, I dove out of my chair. I don't mean stood up, or walked away from the chair, I mean, I literally leapt out of my seat with enough force that I actually hurt my hip when I hit the floor. When I was leaping, I could hear Sam's gurgling and spewing, as well as the entire class's gasps, "Urgh!"'s and retches.

The next thing I remember was me standing back up, and examining the damage. The desk, and carpet in front of it was completely soaked and stinking. Seriously, this chunder must have shot out of her a good 3 feet. Surprisingly, the class was looking at me. Some were smiling, and some were quite shocked. The latter's expressions worried me, so I looked at my legs, hands, sides and back, thinking I might have been covered in puke. Thank God, I was not. I looked over to my teacher, who pointed at my ass. Confused, I looked at it, and you know what was there? A lone lump of sick, barely even a carrot chunk, stuck to the back of my school pants. How the fuck that got there, I have no idea. The homing missile of school vomits.
(almightyjoey is most likely listening to Electric Wizard on, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 13:10, Reply)