Story 2, Mr Burns
This guy shouldn't have been a teacher, he should have been a comedian. Absolute legend, he wasted more than half of any given lesson making everyone roll around laughing and still most of his students got As (even I did).

He was a natural predator, and within his first hour with a class would have picked out four or five students he could turn into the butt of his jokes for the next year. There was Gibbons (the kids surname), who had a rather big head and was subjected to Burnsy dancing around singing "do do do the funky gibbon" and saying "mr gibbons knows everything because it all fits so well into his exceedingly large head". He also decided another (pretty ugly) kid looked like an alien, and frequently offered praise to "the all-powerful alien invaders".

He also used to tell us stories of his days as a medical student, including the time he beat up a load of druggies "they didn't notice, they were too busy going "WHEEEEE!"" (note: he danced around at this point to emphasise how far gone they were), and how some he knew had found a man dead with a broomstick so far up his rectum that it had snapped his spine.

Finally, he is responsible for the game "spoon!", possibly the best way of getting a large group of students to revise anything. Essentially, everyone is lined up against a wall. Burnsy asks a question, and the first to stick their hand up with the correct answer gets to sit down. This is repeated until there is only one left standing, the dunce who couldn't get ANYTHING right. This abomination to intelligence is then made to stand on a chair, while the rest of the class gathers round, pointing and jeering, and everyone shouts "SPOOOOOOOOOOON!" at said thicko at the top of their voice.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 9 Nov 2005, 23:50, Reply)