» Premonitions

when i was 5...
I had this stuffed gorrilla named Dan. (in fact, i still have him. he's sitting on my bed right now)
i was planning on going shopping in a town 40 minutes up the coast with my mom, sister and grandma. that morning, while consulting Dan, he told me that i should take an overnight bag because i wouldn't be home that night. my mother thought it was odd when i walked out to the car with my bright green ninja turtles back back filled with the following:

-1 pair of underwear
-1 pair of pajamas
-1 outfit for the next day
-1 toothbrush
-1 swimming suit

she thought it even odder when i told her the mysterious message i had recieved from my cotton filled, banana weilding friend.

after a full day of shopping, we got on to the freeway and were recieved by a whole shit-ton of traffic. we promptly turned on the radio. it tol us that there had been an oil spill between the where we were and where we lived. the roads had been closed.

the hotel we stayed in had a pool.

and i was the only one with clean underwear.
(Mon 22nd Nov 2004, 23:28, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

The Anal Game & Best Prejudice Slurs & Inflationary language
While stuck in traffic or on long car trips, my friends and i like to play the "anal game." You put anal in front of the the names of cars. (hint: the funnest ones are RVs, they always have funny names).
a few examples:
- anal explorer, excursion & expedition
- anal prode (my favorite)
- anal paradise

(sorry about the non-european car names, the ones that i know don't work that well. :P)

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In high school, my group of friends was pretty varied in race, class and sexuality. We made a game out of insulting eachother at every chance we got. While walking through the hallways i can't even count how many times i was called "fag" or "dyke." The funniest part, though, is the looks that other people give you. i'm sure this is a pretty common impromptu game, but for a good reason.

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This "game" was made famous by a pianist named Victor This gets quite confusing when you talk really fast. I recommend playing while under the influence of something to ensure that hilarity will ensue. It's hard to explain so i'll just give you an example.
Before: "Before i went to bed, i ate a cookie"
After: "Befive i went three bed, i nine a cookie."

that's all for now!
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 5:51, More)

» Best Comebacks

In sixth grade
i pissed off the class bully and he told me to "suck it." i said, "oh, i'm sorry, my mom told me not to put small things in my mouth."
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 17:35, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

well...
my parents were always very truthful with me ... sometimes a little too truthful. sex, childbirth, and vaginas are and always have been regular dinner table conversation because my mum is a gynocologist. when i was in kindergarten, my friend brought pictures in of his new baby sister and one of the students asked how she got here. my teacher started telling the "stork dropped it on the door step" story. me, being the precocious child that i was, stood up and proceeded to tell the teacher that she was sorely mistaken and how it was really done. she jumped up and took me outside and said, "sophie, dear, it's not done like that here."
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 7:34, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

the V card
the way I see it, there are two types of virginity. the halves of the V card. the straight half and the gay half.

i lost the straight half when i was 14... too young, not by choice, you know.

but the other half. heehee. well, it was prom night... i went with this amazingly hot girl. about half way through the dance, we decided that it sucked and that we should walk around. now, the prom was at city hall (a moleste old marble building looking over the beach). we ended up getting down and dirty on the roof until midnight. our friends left because they didn't know where we were. it was sooo worth it.

and a few years and many sexcapades later, it was still the best sex i've ever had.

so here, i hand you, B3TA, my fully expired V card. enjoy.
(Fri 4th Mar 2005, 15:27, More)