» Drugs

whoa!
Once, right, I was really blaaargh! And then I did this gear and everything went "ting!" and all of a sudden there were mooses... ... or was it mices? ... ... ... yeah... anyway, so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway... so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway... so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway... so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway...
(Fri 17th Sep 2010, 13:57, More)

» Near Death Experiences

hurricane-type-thing
Remember that really bad storm we had in 1987?

It woke me up so I went downstairs. After a while, I crashed on the sofa for a bit, while the house shook. My dad comes in to the room with an amazed look on his face and tells me to go out to the front room and see how the lightpost is about to come down on a car... as I get up and walk across the room, the whole chimney stack falls through the roof, through my bedroom, then through the ceiling of the lounge (some indication of its weight) and lands fully in the seat I had been sitting in 1 moment before.

I heard my dog whelping from the other sofa and the resulting adrenalin allowed me to lift an ENORMOUS piece of ceiling/masonry off my dog so she could escape. I had super-human strength that night and I cleared all the valuables from the lounge in about 3 mins simply by lifting whole pieces of furniture in one go, by myself. Any other time and I'd have done myself a mischief. Amazing but scary.

My dog spent the rest of her life thinking the sky was going to fall on her head... poor thing.
(Mon 29th Nov 2004, 13:10, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

A replacement for cars!
How about an animal instead of a car? Maybe with four legs so it can travel faster. It'd have to be big enough to carry a person or two. You could make a little seat that goes on its back, so you can sitt easily! There would be no need for smelly petrol fuel... just some tasty morsels, like hay or something and some water. Less noxious emissions!

For carrying heavy items, you could have, like, a wheeled trailer that connects to a harness. You could even sit on one of these instead of the animal. Being an animal, there would be less accidents because they can think for themselves... less collisions!! LIVING CARS! It's the way forward, I tell you!

edit: shit.. I thought of something else... you could drink and drive with these 'cos they know the way home!!!! RESULT!
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 14:59, More)

» Breasts

wtf
Bad subject for me - This qotw makes me feel sad due to some personal raisins.

On the other hand, breasts are bloody fantastic! I haven't had a feel for ages... come over and let me have a go! (o)(o)

EDIT: If I had breasts, I'd purposefully go around bumping into people like a bumper car and giggling. I doubt if the novelty would ever wear off, to be honest.
(Thu 6th May 2010, 13:51, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Meow Mix
As a young teenage boy, I was moody bastard... and I spent long periods not talking to my mum - not because she'd done anything wrong, but just because I was a tosser and at that nasty age where communication is not really anywhere near the top of the priority list. Anyway - my mum must have been pretty pissed off with the whole situation and the nasty wall of silence caused all sorts of nagging and bickering... until... the meow mix advert came along - in an instant we were rolling around the room in hysterics and it broke the ice - there weren't any more awkward silences after that.

Thanks Meow Mix!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pHiB4ty3ao
(Fri 16th Apr 2010, 10:46, More)