» Embarrassing Injuries

Ahem...
Lasted long time (4 1/2 hours)
Him friction burns
He's skinny
I had v painful bruising of the inner thighs.
Nuf sed
(Sun 5th Sep 2004, 12:00, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

One fine morning...
I arrived at school, now I go to an all boys school thats co-ed in the 6th form so all the girlies have their own common room. I take a nice seat and proceed to do some homework for that day. There is a small crowd gathered around the sofa and one girl, lets call her "Kitty", is sharing in the regalement of a fabulous story to all her friends, needless to say I kept my ears pricked.
Now what had happened was "Kitty" had been round her then boyfriends house the night before and they were planning to indulge in a little mutual pleasure for the first time. The boyfriend whips it out and scares "Kitty" half to death, she pipes up into the story at this point at the top of her voice "now I know why thay call it the one eyed monster" apparrantly it was so big "Kitty" was too freaked out to stay in it's presence for longer than 15 minutes and ended up at her friends house soon after white and shaking. Another friend pipes up "At least we know why he walks so funny now".
Needless to say I had to bury my head in my history file and bite my lip till it bled to avoid breaking up into raucous laughter. I have to say I've never looked at George in quite the same way again.

apologies for length and being crap in written form
(Fri 11th Jun 2004, 14:28, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Not so much of a song as a brain-washing masonic chant

when I was an ickle six year old and livinging in good old blighty I had a 'Boyfriend' called Richard. When we moved to america (came back when I was nine) I had to say the 'Pledge of Allegence' on a friday. And for the whole 3 years I lived there I said
'the Republic for Richard stands, one Nation under God, invisible,'
To finish, Americans brainwash their children with minless patriotism that they're too young to understand. If Proff Moustache Winston has shown us anything it's that five year olds don't KNOW what country they live in.
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 12:11, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Father Christmas
I of course was told about father christmasbut when i was about8or 9 I twigged that maybe it wasn'treal (that and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy) the tooth fairy used to write letters to us,as did father christmas, I left a letter asking for the tooth fairy'sautograph once. back to the point. From that point forth every christmas/easter i would ask if it were all tru,are you sure,how does he get round the whole world (Rudolf has magic antlers that stop time if you didn't know) for about 5 years. When my brother was 12 she decided to tell us both the awful truth iguring we had both worked it out anyway. My brother cried none stop for three hours,stupid sod.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 19:59, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Maccy D's employee
This was actually between christmas and new year. Happened to the girl on the til next to me.
Bloke: Can I have a Chicken McFlurry
Girl: Do you MEAN a Chicken McFlurry?
Bloke: [slightly irritated] Yes
Girl: I'm afraid we don't do those.
Bloke: Well what sort of McFlurries do you do?
Girl: [smirking slightly as you would if someone asked you for a chicken ice-cream] Wrll we do crunchie, plain chocolate, smarties, and matchmakers.
Bloke: [V. Angry] Fine then I don't want one [Storms off]
Que one or two moments stunned silence followed by three till-monkeys in hysterics. I wanted to know if he wanted crispy or grilled.

Oh and trying to explain to a girl in my class (17 at the time) why we see colour using the example of an orange pen writing on white paper. Cue the cries of 'But it's orange!' and eventually telling US that WE were makeing HER head hurt, after 15 minutes.

And last year convincing an AS level geography studant that the Isle of White was off the coast of Russia near India and for the trip there she would need a Whitean phrasebook. Beleived the lot.
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 18:08, More)