» Mini Cabs From Hell

Cross Yourself
I used to live in Romania, in a town called Brazov. In the centre of town is a big church that all Romanians cross themselves whenever they pass. Whether it's on a bus, car, or walking, they continually cross themselves until they're well passed.

One day I took a "Dukes Of Hazzard" styled minicab ride that passed the church. I was already cacking myself because the seatbelt didn't work and I could really sense a crash comming. When we passed the church the cabbie took both hands off the wheel, closed his eyes, and began crossing himself.

Perhaps he intended the power of god to drive the car. But when he opened his eyes he seemed surprised to see me gripping onto the steering wheel and guiding the car around a bus at 40 miles an hour.

I think I deserved a discounted fare as I did steer the car myself for 150 meters.
(Thu 27th May 2004, 14:17, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Coffee liqueur
Whilst working as a cocktail barman with Savoy hotels, two little old Texan ladies dropped in at the end of the night.

"Heyyy, do you have any liqueur's?" One asked.

I said yes and reeled off a quick list that included Kahlua.

"What's Kahlua?" The other lady asked.

I told her, it's a coffee liqueur.

"Okay... I'll have a DECAF KAHLUA"

Dumbass!
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 21:03, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Giving Take That a bollocking!
I was working in The Gloucester Hotel (quite a few) years back. We were the official hotel for Wimbeldon and the place was swarming with tennis stars, fans, agents. The air conditioning broke down, and Take That arrived along with a zillion screaming girls. Sounds fun until you're charged with keeping the place orderly.
Being a nob I had no idea who Take That were until I caught them red handed playing football in an empty ballroom having just scored a goal and broken a few ashtrays. I thought they were stupid kids and started telling them off, demanding to know their room numbers and if their parents new what they were up to....
Doh!
I charged them for the dammage... and they paid.
(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 21:59, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Barman with American guests
Working late night behind the bar of a swanky London hotel, two American women wandered in after the theatre.

In the most ingratiating Texan drawl you've ever heard one of them asked. 'Do you sell Kahlua?'

'What the hell is Kahlua?' her freind asked.

'It's a coffee liqueur.'

'Okay,' the freind said, 'I'll have a decaf Kahlua.'
(Fri 2nd Jan 2004, 22:17, More)