» Putting the Fun in Funeral

All Things Bright and Beautiful...
...was a hastily chosen hymn for my almost atheist Nan's funeral, by my Dad and Uncle - a popular choice I imagine for those short of hymn ideas.

Having never really studied the lyrics, I was surprised to find the line "The purple headed mountain" contained in a verse. This led to me choking down my laughs at the double entendre, which was made worse as I looked down the row to see my brother and cousins doing exactly the same.

I believe my nan would have done the same so it was ok.
(Thu 11th May 2006, 12:29, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

I was haunted...
...by the spirit of chickens and turkeys once... it was ok though they were only poultrygeist
(Fri 4th Jul 2008, 14:45, More)

» Toilets

A friend of my stepdads
Managed to go through about 40 years of his life fairly limited in his travel, but was well aware of the strange customs and sanitation solutions that France had to offer.

So he was in no way surprised when entering the small cubicle at the campsite in France he was staying at, to be presented with nothing more than a concrete slab and a hole. This did not bother him in any way, so he proceeded to take a dump. Being considerate he looked for some kind of flush/hose with which to wash down his poo, as it seemed to have trouble going down the 4 inch hole with a metal grill over it. He did finally find a tap on the wall, which released flowing warm water from overhead, and seemed to disintegrate said poo enough to get it down the chute.

He also didnt bother to look back at the sign that said "douche" on the door as he left the block.
(Mon 5th Sep 2005, 16:36, More)

» * PFFT *

Other than teaching my 3 year old to cupcake...
and when he was 2 to "taste his tongue" and say "Errrrgh - I can taste that" whenever someone farted...

I like to fart loudly, as my dog always looks up, and turns and sniffs her arse in case to check if it was her that did it.
(Wed 18th Jul 2007, 9:35, More)

» Pointless Experiments

Fire - Im gonna teach you to burn...
Following on from the usual can of lynx in a bonfire moving up to anti freeze and lighter fuel to see the mushroom explosion left me and my pyro mates a little scientifically frustrated.

Our next experiment was to try and contain part of the explosion using dog poo bins in our local woods/nature reserve. The experiment proved that:

a) the explosion can move "sideways" due to the metal lid suppressing the upward movement of the flame
b) Plastic poo bins melt at the extreme temperatures that newspaper, lighter fuel and dog poo produce - resulting in a wooden stake with a metal lid to nowhere.

We were not satisfied that this experiment should only be carried out once, therefore we ensured full control and evaluation by repeating the experiment until no poo bins remained in the vicinity.

Results - many people had to take poo home with them in the summer of '96
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 14:14, More)