» Stuff You've Overheard

Also on a bus...
Picture the scene:
Leeds, 1992, 4pm(ish) on a miserable Autumn weekday afternoon.
I was going the 4 or so miles down Woodhouse Lane from the main studentville area known as Headingly, to the city centre.

As it was just after school kicking-out time, along the route jumped on three local schoolkids. I saw them as they passed me to sit at the back of the bus; all lads aged about 14 or 15, as denoted by their school blazers, awful Leeds accents, and facial bumfluff.
The bus pulled away, and they continued the conversation they had obviously started before getting on the bus.

It became apparent from unavoidably overhearing their conversation that lad A, B, and C had obviously just started the new school year and hadn't seen much of each other during the Summer holidays.

Then their conversation turned to the absence from school of one of their schoolfriends.
A: "Where's Dave?" says one.
B: "I dunno, I've not seen him for a bit"
A: "Strange, he's usually around like a bad smell"
C sniggers
C: "He's keeping a low profile at the minute"
A: "Huh"
B: "Why's that, then?"
C: "You know he lives on a farm out by [forgotten]"
B: "Yeah"
C: "Well I went 'round his place looking for him a few weeks back"
A: "And?"
C: "Well, it were evening, his folk's car was gone. His house were in darkness, but there were a light from't one of't animal sheds out back."
A: "So?"
C falls into fits of giggles, struggles to compose himself, then continues.
C: "So I went to look...
C: "I found Dave in the shed shagging a pig"
B: "What? A munter?
C: "No, a pig! A proper pig!"
A: "No way! I always thought he was a dirty bastard..."
B: "Just wait 'till I tell his mates. He's had it"
All 3 in uncontrollable laughter..

I don't remember the rest of it, as I was at this point busily trying to pretend I couldn't hear them, silently pissing myself with laughter along with most of the rest of the bus.
I REALLY wanted to look 'round , I just couldn't as I would have given the game away.
Brightened up my week it did.

Unapologetic for length
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 1:01, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

In the early hours of 12th September 2001...
Background to my shame:
I was away on business on 911 as the people across the pond are wont to call it. Not having yet seen the planes vs World Trade Centre scenario myself, I went on MSN chat that night unaware of the full realisation of the situation.
Anyway, I logged in as usual, and what did I find but rather upset Americans in most of the chatrooms, being both racist and overly-aggressive to people who wore turbans. You get the picture.
At the time I thought I'd redress the balance. I'm very not proud of what I then did - ie changing my username to 'Pilot Abdul' and baiting said above Americans.....

Single to Hell, please.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 20:28, More)

» Scars with history

Paper cut

(Tue 8th Feb 2005, 3:16, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Accident involving industrial flat-bed power planer and finger
Flat-bed power planer 1 - Finger 0

The human body has something like 256 seperate bones. I still have the same number, it's just one is cut into several pieces distributed liberally around the garage.

Oh how i laughed(!)
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 14:13, More)

» Council Cunts

Kirklees Council employees should all hang their head in shame.
...but they'd have to pull them out of their arses first.

Such utter, utter inept twats.
(Tue 31st Jul 2007, 0:44, More)