» Impromptu Games You Play

Yes, but is it art?
Got rather bored at an Art Deco exhibition my Mum took me along to at the V&A museum.

Started to play 'Yes, But Is It Art?'

This involved considered chin stroking over non-art in the museum.

Got a clip round the ear when my Mum saw me staring intently at a small security monitor - surrounded by a small crowd, all mistakenly doing the same.

Try it. You'll be pleasantly surprised how many people join you to consider normal things. I was.
(Mon 29th Mar 2004, 16:23, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

My Grandma loudly & proudly sang...
... a full rendition of 'Ching Chong Chinaman' in a Thai restaurant once.

What made it more jaw-droppingly horrifying is she timed her performance to reach a shrill crescendo as our food was served.
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 14:00, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Licking Out / French Kissing.
As a young and hopelessly naive teenager I'd heard many friends refer to 'Licking Out'. Having no idea what this referred to but assuming tongues where involved - I equated the phrase with 'French Kissing.'

Anyway months later my Dad took me and my little brother to pick up my older step-sister from the train station for her regular visit. As usual we immediately got chatting in the car on the way home.

"So!" she said "Who do you fancy at school then?"

Understandably curious, my Dad's ears pricked up as he drove us home.

"Well," I replied, "there's this girl in English called Sally... I'd lick her out."

The car swerved suddenly toward the pavement and then back again.

Pretending ignorance after a very long silence my sister then said:

"Have you seen Ghostbusters? It's great."

It was only years later this event came to make any sense to me.
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 17:57, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Theatrically dumped.
Took my family to see my girlfriend's production of A Midsummer Nights Dream.

As we approached the ticket stand she saw us and ran towards me. My parents smiled approvingly with every bounce in her step, as did my grandparents.

Perhaps no-one expected her to bounce past us, wrap her arms around the lead actor and french kiss him - tongues flapping like two boxes of trawled trout being pressed together.

Explaining to Grandma that it wasn't actually part of the play was what hurt more.

"Then why did she do it?"

*sigh*
(Thu 17th Jun 2004, 17:02, More)

» Old People Talk Bollocks

My Yorkshire thru-and-thru Grandad would ban the following from pubs:
"Television, except for sport" (Good point).

"Very loud music, it's good to talk." (Fair.)

"Jukeboxes" (Not sure.)

"Pool tables" (Eh?)

"Cooked food." (No Sunday roasts???)

"Women." (!!!!!)

I asked "But Grandad, why even go to the pub?"

Having gone too far, but refusing to back-track, he simply looked to the horizon of his mind and said...

"I don't know lad, I don't know."
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 13:52, More)