Indiana Jones and the Moustrap of Doom

Easy now Indy.
I reckon this is going to be a good competition. I'm off to get my thinking cap on.
EDIT: woo! FP'd! I'm dead chuffed - Glad you like it!
(Fri 12th Mar 2004, 14:46, More)

I didn't think I'd seen him for a while

(Thu 4th Mar 2004, 13:22, More)

animals dressed as fictional detectives (cont.)

edit: first fp! woo! dead chuffed!
(Tue 10th Feb 2004, 10:00, More)

» I'm glad nobody saw me

Flying Condom
I used to wear trainers with the laces bundled up under the insoles. Occasionally the laces would work their way out and they would need to be put back inside. One time at work they were really uncomfortable at the end of a work day and I pulled my trainer off, yanked the insole out and a used condom came flying out of my shoe and landed on a colleague's desk. It was the condom that had vanished last night at my gf's house - we'd looked ofr it but were mystified as to where it had gone. My shoe was where.

My colleague and I just stared at it for a moment until I swept it off my desk into the bin cool as anything and just said "bye then" and walked out of the office as if nothing had happened and it was never mentioned again, thank god
(Thu 27th Jan 2011, 22:07, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

I'm not a parent but
Me and a mate told his little brother that he had won a competition to go to lapland and meet the real santa. We were about 12 and he was about 6. We got him to pack his bags with everything he thought he would need and to write a biiig long christmas list as Santa could give him anything he wanted from his factory. We walked him to the train station (picture him with his lunchbox in one hand and a sleeping bag draped over his shoulder) and he really beleived that he was off to meet Santa until the moment we sent him up to the ticket office to ask for a "ticket to lapland to santa's palace" and the bloke behind the counter pissed himself laughing. The tears didn't stop until the middle of the next week and there were some recriminations from the mother, I can tell you.
(Mon 19th Jan 2004, 16:36, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

One courtesy of my girlfriend's dad
He wanders around singing to himself all the time, really really loudly becasue he is deaf. One time he was giving a lift to someone who had recently been left by his wife and for reasons known only to himself he burst into "I wonder who's kissing her now". He only realised what he was doing after he got to the end of the verse:

"If you want to feel wretched, lonely, and blue
Just imagine the girl you love best
In the arms of some fellow who's stealing a kiss
From the lips you once fondly pressed"

At which point he hastily stopped singing the words but carried on going "Tra la la la la laaa laaa de daaaa hmmm hmmm mmmm mm mmmmmmmm" instead, as the bloke sat there next to him snivelling.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 14:12, More)

» Near Death Experiences

horrible mugging in Honduras
I was walking along a beach in Honduras with my girlfriend when suddenly we were surrounded by 10 teenagers waving machetes and skewers who were probably as frightened as we were. They were yelling and slapping me with the flats of the machetes and separated my GF from me and proceeded to strip us of anything valuable we had (very little, but they made me take off my sandles). They were very panicky and jumpy and were screaming and yelling in our faces. I had to take off a ring that had never ever come off before, or they would have chopped my finger off. They were groping my GF, looking in her bra for money, and grabbing me round my bollocks, when they found we only had enough cash on us to buy drinks. They couldn't believe that we weren't hiding roills of notes, and this made them really angry.

They then decided the best thing for us was to take us into some nearby woods (luckily my spanish is pretty good so I could understand them) so I started saying "come on guys, you got your treasure, you don't want to dow anything to us now let us go, and by the way we are NOT going in those trees". They started getting really het up by this point and visions of gang rape and cut throats was seriously running through my mind, when suddenly a guy on a horse comes out of nowhere and placed his horse between us and them and we were able to escape. God knows what might have happened had he not come along, he is owed some serious karma.
(Fri 26th Nov 2004, 12:01, More)

» This book changed my life

changed the way I live
Allen Carr's easy way to give up smoking, for obvious reasons. Made giving up a 40 a day habit ridiculously easy, even enjoyable.

Then I read Allen Carr's easy way to control alchohol, and I have to say that going teetotal was the second best thing I ever did after quitting smoking.

Then, for want of something better to do I read Allen Carr's easy way to lose weight, even though I'm already stick thin. As a result I turned vegan.

I'm still looking for Allen Carr's easy way to give up Allen Carr books. Oh and I don't have many friends left, but I've never felt better! They were a bunch of losers anyway.
(Fri 16th May 2008, 18:49, More)