» Housemates from hell

Hello Daaave.
Up until about a year and a half ago I shared an apartment with an IT manager chap called Dave. Sounds like a well balanced fella, good job, had a nice lass who I got on well with and when she was around Dave was indeed a fairly alright bloke. When she wasn't around, however, which was most of the time, he turned into a fucking twat. Examples of this are:

1. Finding that he had drawn a line in permanent black marker on the kettle (my kettle) to mark where the kettle should be filled to to save on electricity. "Only fill to here for 1 cup". Ummm why Dave ? Why ? It's already on there in white next to the transparent fill level thing. Look you can see it.

2. The grill packed up whilst Dave was trying to cook sausages. I know this as I heard a blood chilling scream followed by a minute of what sounded like someone hitting something metal with something heavy. Imagine my surprise to find Dave, red faced, wielding a marble rolling pin beating the crap out of the cooker. It was fairly messed up. He looked up and said "sorry I got a bit of rage there". Dave just use the frying pan.

3. I did the washing up one night and left it on the drainer to dry. I couldn't be arsed to dry it with a tea towel. I'll put it away when I get back from work tomorrow. Well I didn't and went out and had beer after work. I came in fairly pissed about 2am to find all my washing up on the kitchen floor. Not piled up but spread out so you couldnt even get in the kitchen without treading on stuff. This annoyed me so I started to put it away with added cupboard slamming and rattling of drawers. Well it seems that in my eagerness to make right I'd woken poor Dave up. For shame ! Needless to say we had a right old go at each other which basically ended up with me explaining how much of a twat he was. Citing previous examples, as seen above, to illustrate my argument. I then went to bed. About five minutes later I hear another torrent of surpressed rage spew forth followed half a second later by the sound of smashing crockery. He'd launched two plates down the hall to smash against the door frame of the sitting room. Well unfortunately this pissed me off no end and another ruck ensued which only ended after I had to give him a well deserved slap.
(Fri 6th Apr 2007, 12:08, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Not seen any Policeman jokes !
Whats yellow and looks good on a policeman's head ?

A JCB
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 0:23, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Classic Oldie.
What's got two legs and bleeds ?

Half a dog.
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 0:30, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

D Day anniversary.
Last year.

I live right on the sea front in Pompey just in front of one of the embarkation points for the British contingent of Operation Overlord. Needless to say there is a memorial garden there where there was a full blown service for the 60th anniversary of the Landings. As many veterans as could that set off from that point attended. I, my friend, his wife and their 2 yr old nipper watched from my window. It was moving in itself but what set me off was seeing some of the members of the escorting army cadets fainting from the incinerating South Coast heat (a whole 20 degrees C that day) and not one of those old boys even needed so much as a wet hanky from the St Johns Ambulance on duty. What really did it was seeing my mates wife in tears whispering in a broken voice that she wanted her 2 yr old son to grow up understanding what they went through. I am 33 years old.
(Sat 16th Apr 2005, 2:39, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Another Oldie
Whats green and eats balls?

Gonorrhea.

Subconcious note to self: These seemed really funny last night.
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 0:58, More)