» Rogues, Villains and Eccentrics

My mate's Dad was a villain, a rogue and a character who was partial to the odd drink or nine
His eldest son was a bit of a villain too, and used to stash his ill-gotten gains with the old man to fence or keep safe pending disposal. So one afternoon after a morning on the lash, my mate's Dad awoke on the settee to discover a monstrously large, obviously brand new and illicitly obtained colour TV (from the days when they were furniture) sitting across the room from him. My mate's Dad had the right arsehole about this, having previously told his oldest and boldest to stop dumping his loot back at the old homestead because plod had been taking a bit of an interest in my mate's Dad's various illicit activities.

So in walks son & heir to catch tongue lashing of epic proportions. All pleas of innocence brushed (or rather shouted) aside while he's berated at length for his lack of consideration for his Dad's desire to enjoy continued liberty free from interference from the local Constabulary.

This continued for some time until eventually my mate's Mum arrived home from the shops and enquired as to the reason for her dearest's displeasure. Being apprised of the facts she faced her beloved and explained to those present that in fact my mate's Dad had himself staggered across the threshold earlier that very morning, pissed as a fart, straining and swaying beneath the not inconsiderable weight of one of Curry's finest televisual receivers with no sign of a receipt for its' purchase about his person.

Turns out my mate's Dad had wandered into the shop on a whim on his way home from the pub and upon finding the showroom temporarily deserted had opportunistically selected the biggest fuck-off telly in the place and staggered off home with it in his arms. Then, no doubt exhausted from his endeavours and congratulating himself on this coup had proceeded to crash out on the sofa to wake several hours later completely oblivious to this heist.

Apologies for length of sentences, he was an habitual criminal who no doubt considered prison to be an ocupational hazard.
(Mon 1st Oct 2012, 23:36, More)

» Redundant technology

Spit
none of this new-fangled lube for me, I'll have you know
(Thu 4th Nov 2010, 13:13, More)

» Pointless Experiments

Ballistics - An Idiot Writes
Was a bit bored one rainy afternoon in the squat, decided to see whether found objects could be used to make an effective projectile weapon.

Luckily the toybox contained a broken .22 air rifle, a hammer, some blank cartridges, masonry nails, pvc insulated wire a plank of wood and some felt tips.

Masonry nail sheathed in insulation stripped from wire until it fitted snugly in barrel, blank cartridge inserted behind it. Whole thing aimed at camo'd soldier sketched on plank in felt tip by resident artist propped against back of a chair. Gunner (wearing full face crash helmet and wrapped in army surplus sleeping bag for "safety") whacked base of blank cartridge with hammer, fucking loud bang ensues and drunken exerimenters rush to examine target.

Nail has hit plank, sideways. Completely penetrated at least an inch of wood, passed through back of chair into washing hung on airer behind target. Whoops. Has then gone through about four separate items (shirts, tee-shirt, and tea-towel) finally coming to rest in some pants, the absolute last line of defence before the antique mirror sitting squarely in line of fire, thus proving that it is really stupid to fire guns indoors and fate smiles on pissed up twats occasionally.
(Sun 27th Jul 2008, 3:12, More)

» Bad Dates

Bad Dates of Povvo Christmas Past
Seventies. In run up to Christmas the lounge sprouted an abundance of highly flammable and dangerously frangible decorations while the radiogramme acquired a tablecloth and stoically bore its festive payload of fizzy drinks, satsumas, mixed nuts, fruit jellies and a couple of discorectangular boxes of dates toward the Feast of Stephen.

Did love me them dates.

Until the time lid came off to reveal the biggest, fattest witchetty grub-like fucker laying pulsing like a fat cream slug between those tasty, fruity ranks.

Akh! Put me off dates for years.
(Tue 22nd Oct 2013, 0:20, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Belgium, Weird Place Just Outside Antwerp (Bronze!)
Landlady was definitely being fucked by her alsatian.

Still stole the towels though.
(Thu 17th Jan 2008, 17:07, More)