» World's Sickest Joke

Tomorrow was Katie's birthday and she was excited
"Guess how old I'm going to be tomorrow!" she yelled to her dad.

"Don't know" he replied, playing along.

"I'll be six!" she replied.

She went into the kitchen and asked her grandad, "guess how old I'll be tomorrow!"

"To answer this I need you to pull down your knickers." he says.

So Katie does this. Her grandad inserts two fingers into her cunt, moves them around, pulls them out, sniffs, then licks them.

"You'll be six tomorrow" Grandad says.

"How did you know that?" replies Katie.

"Because I heard you saying it to your dad" was the reply.
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 18:54, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Here's one:
How do you make a five-year-old cry twice?

Use her teddy bear to wipe the blood off your penis.
(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 18:33, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Do you know what makes me cross?
Lollipop ladies.
(Fri 18th May 2018, 22:49, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

I work for a delivery company
which has approval by the monarchy. Some things which you may/may not know:

1. The price of stamps have been going up a lot in recent times haven't they? This is due to the regulator making us deliver our competitor's (TNT, UKmail etc.) mail at a loss. To recoup the shortfall, the price of stamps go up.

2. Thinking of sending something expensive this Christmas? Either send it by courier or deliver it by hand. Last year the management thought it would be a good idea to let the casual staff sort the valuable items instead of the permenant workers and unsurprisingly items started to disappear.

3. Thinking of getting a job with us? Then you won't get a pension. If you have a pension then start finding out which petfood you like best as there's a £3bn+ shortfall in the pension funds and they're working out a cunning plan (in true Baldrick style) in order to correct this.

4. Fresh from his "success" at the FA, our boss's plan for the company is to asset strip the best bits (the business areas) out and leave us with the bits no fucker would touch with a ten foot bargepole (countryside, anything with the word 'isle' in the name etc.) and fuck off with a large payoff. While the company is in need of modernisation, this is not the way to do it.

5. The forthcoming stike I could do without as I'm brassic and would rather earn the sponds, but it's either accept the pay rise with the loss of thousands of jobs and the closure of hundreds of post offices (and you thought they were scarce now) or fight it. Either way it's just a question of time before the whole lot sails south and we get the same quality of product as we do with the trains, gas, water, electricity etc.

Length? Well you managed to get this far didn't you?
(Wed 3rd Oct 2007, 2:21, More)

» The Police

I was driving home one night
The car behind was tailgating and driving with full beams causing me to swerve slightly due to being blinded.

Then on came the blue lights. I was pulled over and greeted by one of the Queen's finest.

"Good evening sir could you tell me why you were driving in an erratic fashion?"

In hindsight maybe it was not the best answer in the world to say:

"Some cunt was trying to rear-end my car while blinding me with their full beams."

"That was me".

A fine and 3 points later I was on my merry way. Fuck it, it was worth it.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 1:10, More)