pearoasting
on account of this was posted in the middle of the night one night Is that still allowed?

(Fri 24th Jun 2005, 10:01, More)

It was all just a camping accident

(Thu 17th Oct 2002, 10:30, More)

-

(Fri 4th Oct 2002, 13:23, More)

even cerberus was a puppy once

(Mon 30th Sep 2002, 11:04, More)

pilot-school humour

(Mon 2nd Sep 2002, 12:38, More)

-

so tall
(Mon 5th Aug 2002, 12:21, More)

look at him go...

(Tue 30th Jul 2002, 9:56, More)

Walk the dog, Luke

(Thu 25th Jul 2002, 12:54, More)

-

har har har har har
(Wed 24th Jul 2002, 16:06, More)

Winona says she's not guilty
clicky
But wait.. Someone stop her!

(Mon 17th Jun 2002, 8:58, More)

so cruel

Always buy kitten-safe tuna.
(Thu 13th Jun 2002, 17:04, More)

Grandfather Clock


EDIT: oops. Forgot to loop the anim.

EDIT#2: Yay! I've been front pagified every day this week so far. Must be some kind of personal record. The pressure is on for tomorrow.
(Thu 13th Jun 2002, 16:06, More)

-

(Wed 12th Jun 2002, 12:35, More)

anyone want a shot?

(Tue 11th Jun 2002, 13:14, More)

I just can't
leave this picture alone

(Tue 11th Jun 2002, 12:02, More)

I call it 'The last art you will ever see'

A miniature Mona Lisa is printed onto the floor of a large room. As the viewers come closer, the poison gas is released and renders them dead, ensuring that this is the final thing they will ever see. Nothing can possibly compare with it's purity as a symbol of art.

Eventually, the surrounding corpses will decompose, contrasting with the painting's beauty.
(Mon 10th Jun 2002, 12:19, More)

-

(Mon 20th May 2002, 9:22, More)

MC Hammer
entertains the queuing pensioners outside his local post office.

(Fri 26th Apr 2002, 13:01, More)

Magnus resents being called a 'dumb fuck'

(Thu 25th Apr 2002, 11:59, More)

When Tripod Attacks

(Fri 19th Apr 2002, 12:14, More)

Speared-bint chewing-bum

(Fri 5th Apr 2002, 10:38, More)

aha..

(Thu 21st Mar 2002, 5:49, More)

Evil two-legged Granny-kitten.

Boooo.
(Wed 20th Mar 2002, 7:02, More)

Penguins are evil...
... conducting terrible genetic experiments on bearded lab-rats. But can furtive sneak in and save this poor rat before it's too late?

(Wed 20th Mar 2002, 5:41, More)

i'm so sorry

(Mon 18th Mar 2002, 10:44, More)

-

(Fri 8th Mar 2002, 8:52, More)

I want to be in the pub.
But unfortunately I was an hour late into work this morning and now I have to stay an extra hour pretending to work making things like this while everyone else gets pissed.

(Fri 1st Feb 2002, 11:26, More)

Giraffes in Carafes

(Wed 30th Jan 2002, 10:08, More)

Predictable bald joke

(Tue 18th Dec 2001, 9:30, More)

and then disguises herself as Sir Clive Sinclair in a bid to escape...

(Mon 17th Dec 2001, 11:49, More)

Winona Ryder steals Jesus's face.
Is nothing sacred?

(Mon 17th Dec 2001, 11:22, More)

Bear steals penguin...
But kitty steals bear...

(Thu 13th Dec 2001, 9:30, More)

Elmo Shipman
I may have photoshopped this to the point of unrecognisability. Is that bad?..

(Fri 16th Nov 2001, 7:29, More)

Most of my work colleagues in one handy image


I call it... 'horrible'.
(Wed 31st Oct 2001, 3:41, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Burger King kind of social gaffe thing
I was once in Burger King, at the back of the queue trying to work out what I wanted from the menu. Unfortunately I didn't have my glasses on so I couldn't see too well.

Luckily I knew the eye-focusing trick of squinting, putting your fingers into the corners of your eyes and pulling them outwards (Try it, it works).

I was standing in this pose reading the menu completely oblivious to the Chinese family walking towards me after having purchased their meals. They assumed I was some twat taking the piss, but I got away with a dirty look.

The shame.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 12:46, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

To a colleague in the pub
(An I have no idea whatsoever what made me say this, apart from the fact that she looked miserable)

Me: "Go on, pull a funny face!"

Her: "Are you taking the piss? That's not very funny."

Turns out she was in a lot of pain after a detnal operation and her face was still slightly paralysed.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 12:55, More)

» Happy 10th Birthday B3ta

I remember it when it was weirdly yellow coloured
Or at least I hope I do, or I would be imagining that and that'd be distressing. Pretty sure it wasn't much more than a link to a yahoo group.

I remember the furtive bear stealing a fluffy penguin for the first time. I remember dogs in snoods. I remember a picture of a tennis player kissing a trophy which appeared to be a glass cock. I remember a zillion people all posting the same image. I remember the flood of traffic when the newsletter pointed its gaze at tinywindowsgames.com (Now defunct) which led to a hong kong museum paying me $50 to put tiny space invaders in some sort of gallery. That was cool. B3ta was the direct cause of me dicking around with a wide array of web technologies. Without b3ta, I would not know perl, PHP, flash or MySQL. I'd certainly be a lot shittier at photoshop than I am now.

I remember the spiderman who would make you gay, and 'introducing monday' ("Ha ha ha, we've got your name..."). And the dark day when the board ruined the life (Or at least the website) of some guy called Andrew somethingorother.

Because of b3ta, I was once interviewed by a broadsheet newspaper (Scotland on Sunday, I think) on the subject of websites that allow people to shirk of work in the office. I was one of three interviewed and used an alias. For some reason, I pretended to be 2 of those people, which seemed weirdly to be a b3ta thing to do.

I remember when the image challenge only had one winner, and each week had its own judge picked from the board. Back then you had a chance of winning or being FP'd just by virtue of producing lots of images. I managed both and all mine were shit.

I remember making a clone messageboard on dynofoo.com which became a sort of unofficial backup board when b3ta went down. It had coloured edges on the left of posts to show you what was new. I like to fantasise that b3ta copied that from me.

Can't actually remember how I found the site actually. It was almost certainly from some sort of flash thing. Or perhaps some sort of quiz based on transgender ladymen.

Being miles from London, I never met any of the people behind the curious little aliases. I do, however, still have a b3ta tee shirt. I wore it to work recently and it spawned a conversation about animated gifs.

Sorry about the line breaks.

Potatoswap. Ovenready. Happy birthday, b3ta.. Woo! Yay!
(Mon 12th Sep 2011, 14:51, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

To someone who was looking unhappy
Me: "What's up with you, did your gran die or something?"

Him: (Stares at me) "..."

Turns out he was just back from the hospital after visiting his terminally ill gran.

I didn't know. I swear.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 12:57, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Once
whilst on a company trip to Gillingham I discovered a catalogue full of 'nasty amateur wifes' pinned underneath the hotel room's table using a broken piece of wood. The wifes may have been amateur, but they certainly appeared keen. I put it back where I found it for future travellers to discover.
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 22:45, More)