» Essential Items

golf ball
found it in the school grounds when i was.. at school, oddly enough
it is made by slazenger and has a number 2 on it.
i dont play golf, never have, and it has no real use but i feel wrong leaving without it (had it for about 10 years now)

i only use it when bored, juggling! or trying to juggle anyway :)
(Sat 29th Oct 2005, 0:19, More)

» Local Nutters

Clarke
On the bridge near the Excel centre on the Docklands....

went out for a sit on the bridge, slightly pissed, and to look at the view. soon a rambling old drunk type man comes up to us, we try to avoid eye contact, as you do, and he mumbles at us.
goodness knows what he said, but we stared at him for a while and he continued to mumble.
believe his name is Clarke, and it appears he lives on that bridge. which is pretty swanky, with two elevators, and has a wonderful view of the Thames dam and Canary Wharf.

We tried to get him to leave asap, and when he finally got the hint he put up his clenched fist, "right on brother" stylee, which my friend met with his. gently.

crunch.

clarke smiled, and left, but i think we broke his frail, calcium deficient knuckles :|
(Sat 18th Sep 2004, 11:40, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

well..
End of January twas snowing like anything in London, and I'd just been to hospital having a knee operation.
The traffic was appauling, and I had to get all the way from Waterloo to Hampstead..

The journey took two hours.

I was drowsy, feeling slightly ill from teh operation, and he just wouldn't stop talking.. trying to be polite no doubt, but two hours in an accent I can barely understand, still all druggy?

never again please :(
(Wed 26th May 2004, 22:04, More)

» Shit Stories

While volunteering at a special school
for 6th form community services, I was oh so luckily invited to help look after class 7, the most.. "problematic" class...
and it was wednesday afternoon, time for our weekly trip out into the real world.

Today, we were going to a very old mansion, national trust and all that, where all the local proms etc were usually held.
anyway, i had the pleasure of looking after francis, who was about 9 years old, and a bugger to keep hold of.

after a good twenty minutes of gripping his hand, he managed to twist himself free and go running off into the antique sewing machine exhibition. i can't see him, and am begining to panic...

until i notice what MUST be a shit stain on the floor... a long smeared trail of runny shit leads me to francis, whos somehow managed to get shit on his fingers, which hes pressing against a glass display case for one of those sewing machines... with a big lump of semi solid shit just resting on teh top of his shoe.

..i let one of the real teachers clean him up :|

sry for the length
(Fri 7th May 2004, 7:21, More)