» Kids

Ooh, ooh, I've got one
for a change.

Anyway - when my oldest was newly toilet trained (must have been nearly 3, I guess), she was on the loo, so I went up to check she was OK.

She said "look, I've done all the poos in the world".

When I looked ('cos you have to really) - I swear there was poo amounting to about twice her body weight in there. I was very surprised it all flushed away.

My proudest moment, I think.
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 15:49, More)

» Useless advice

ah, new parent stories
I have also not long had a(nother) small bundle of joy arrive in the house. Of the many sets of clothes we were given, one had the particularly useful label:

"In the interest of safety, it is advisable to keep your child away from fire and flames".

Thanks for that M&S, I was about to throw him on the BBQ.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 12:32, More)

» The most cash I've ever carried

not strictly carried, but still
first day on the job as a Securicor driver, after 5 days training. Bear in mind I was about 21 and this was a summer job for an impoverished student. I was only due to be there for 6 weeks.

Anyway - I'm supposed to be 'observing' the pro's in action before I start properly, but since there's a lot to do at one particular location, the two other guys get out, leaving me to pass the bags out of the back of the van while they throw them down the line to the bank people inside. So I'm inside the van with the keys, and sitting on £2.5 million in cash. Literally sitting on it.

Obviously I was a good boy and started chucking it out the back of the van, but I can't say I wasn't tempted. Most of the town probably carried my ass print around in their wallet that weekend.
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 12:14, More)

» The Onosecond

That reminds me
ScaryDucks story reminds me - I once worked for a large US bank and was briefly (very briefly) involved in coding something or other using the Netware APIs (can't for the life of me think what now).

Anyway, I ended up sending an (innocuous) message to the entire 3000 strong site. It popped up on my PC, thought nothing of it until I heard the 'ping' message noise spreading around the floor, followed by a cry from one of the more senior members of staff "Spidge? who the bloody hell's spidge?"

Took some explaining that one, fortunately my boss of the moment got me out of it, and the project was swiftly canned until a proper development environment was established (never, as far as I know).

There's probably someone here who remembers that. It was a B3ta sort of department.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 13:36, More)

» Useless Information

Surface of the sun
is actually not very hot at all (hence the centre of the earth being hotter). Head in either direction from there, and it gets very hot, very quickly though.

Also, Brownsea island has the largest population of red squirrels in the UK. Best I could do at short notice (true though, unlike half the crap I'm reading below. I can lick my elbow, I just tried it).

EDIT: bigshinybike - I make it about 16cm. is that right?
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 16:09, More)