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From Memory...

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Is that definitely the ship?

Robot: Affirmative Captain we have confirmed positive identification

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Don't answer back

Robot: What?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: I said don't answer back.

Robot: I didn't Captain

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Well you did just then!

Robot: I didn't mean to Captain

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: You dare to lie to me?

Robot: No Captain!

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Don't interrupt.

Robot: What?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: I said don't interrupt.

Robot: I didn't Captain.

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Don't contradict me!
Guard! Take this this robot away and shoot him.

Guard: Shoot him Captain?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Don't question my orders!

Guard: No Captain, honestly I wouldn't

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: You dare to patronize me?

Guard: I....

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: When you've shot the prisoner... shoot yourself

Guard: aah...

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Then throw yourself out of the nearest airlock!

Guard: Yes Captain! At once Captain!


Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: The next peep out of any of you, you ALL get it in the neck.... is that understood?....................... well?

(pause)

Robot 2: Yes sir Captain

(sound of laser guns firing)

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Computer!...................... COMMMPUTER?!

Computer: errrrrrr yes Captain

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Get me a long distance subether line to my private braincare specialist

Computer: At once Captain!

Gag Halfront: Aaaah! Captain Prostecnic, and how are ve feeling today?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: I appear to have wiped out half of my crew

Gag Halfront: So... you have just viped out half of your crew have you?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: That's what I said

Gag Halfront: So... zat's vot you said is it?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Yes

Gag Halfront: Zat IS vot you said is it?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Yes

Gag Halfront: So your answer to my question "Zat is vot you said is it?" is yes.

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Yes....... Mr Halfront I have have just wiped out half of my crew

Gag Halfront: So... you have just viped out half of your cr...

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: YE-ESSSS!!

Gag Halfront: I see, vell, zis is very interesting.

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Well?!

Gag Halfront: I think zat zis is perfectly normal behaviour for a Vogon, ze natural and healthy channelling of agressive instincts into acts of senseless violence...

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Well, that what you always say!

Gag Halfront: Vell, I think zat zis is perfectly normal behaviour for a psychiatrist, Ha! Excellent, ve are clearly both very vell adjusted in our mental attitudes today! Now tell me, vot news of ze mission?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: We have located the ship.

Gag Halfront: Good, and ze occupants?

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: The Earth man, the Prefect being aaaaand..... Zaphod Beeblebrox

Gag Halfront: Aaah, zis is most regrettable...

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: A personal friend?

Gag Halfront: No, in my profession ve never make personal friends

Prostecnic Vogon Jeltz: Aah! Professional detachment!

Gag Halfront: No... ve just don't have ze knack

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