» Now, there was no need for that...

oh yeah?
a week before Christmas, my father was in the hospital with brain cancer and my boyfriend decided to confess that he had been banging other chicks the entire time we'd been a couple.

Then he wondered why I "always have to get so emotional when we talk about our relationship"

cock
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 17:13, More)

» The Onosecond

ahhh...first job in college
..working as a flash animator for online greeting cards. My boss, "Menka," was an Indian twat (as in red dot, not feather) who liked leaving her desk and talking to the hot white men all the time (she ended up hooking one of the rich ones as a husband of course). I needed her to give me my assignment for the day. I sat there with nothing to do. Everyone was chatting on ICQ...my boyfriend (at the time) and his best friend sat in the cubes behind me. I sent "Menka" an ICQ: "hi! please come by my desk with the latest assignment sheets when you're done. thanks"

then I sent a message to my boyfriend, who also thought Menka was a twat. "Fuck Menka. I have been trying to talk to her ALL morning. WTF?"

*blink blink* OH, SHIT. I had sent the message to MENKA, not my boyfriend. OOPS. I rushed over to her desk and it FIGURES that she would decide to come back to her seat NOW, catching me trying to delete her ICQ logs..

"what are you doing?"
"um."
She grabs the mouse, reads my message.
"Fuck Menka?"
"heh?" I figured I was totally fired. Everyone was staring. My boyfriend hid under his desk.
She dug a red-laquered claw into my chest as she laughed, "HAHA! FUCK YOU! so anyway, here's today's assignment.."

...I think the only thing that saved my ass that day was the fact that I was the best artist in the building and they couldn't afford to lose me. That day I learned to TRIPLE CHECK every message I send that's even REMOTELY insulting to someone else, and I learned that I'm basically a rock star and I can treat everyone like shit because I'm a hot chick who draws well. My parents were pissed...they spent 20 years trying to beat the ego out of me.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 16:24, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

hmm
if I check to see if this joke has already been posted, I will lose 6 hours of my life.

We were standing in line for ice cream in my home town of San Francisco and one of my friends was making holocaust jokes (like people do). it worked; the family in front of us got out of line, they were so offended...woo!

so then another of my friends is like, "you know what? you need to shut the fuck up. My great-grandfather died in the holocaust."

us: O_O

"yeah...he was pretty drunk when he fell off the watchtower."


(ok not terribly sick but it still makes me laugh)
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 17:36, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Mystery Woman
Art History. College. Renaissance art; plenty of Mother Mary and Christ Child images. Ditzy drug-addict rave queen (nicknamed herself White Fluffy Cloud) raises her hand. "Ummmm. Yeah. What's with all these paintings of women and babies?"
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 18:12, More)

» People with Stupid Names

christians
are cruel to their children.

One of my EX-boyfriends (for good reason...) had a sister named "Christencia"

pronounced: "Chri-STENCH-ah"

...she turned out to be a model Christian girl, pregnant at 16 and now the unwed mother of about 4 screaming rugrats all with different fathers...GO JESUS! I blame the name. This is apprently the best name the braindead mother could think of after three miscarriages...seems to me like you're spending too much time in church and not enough time with the obstetrician, lady. *probably going to hell*
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 22:43, More)