» Shoddy Presents

definitely not me.
at one of my old jobs there was someone whom people didn't like much. he was part of the secret santa that year and got given a wank mag and a box of tissues.
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 13:13, More)

» Singing the wrong words

"Mr Sandman, bring me a dream.
Make it the wettest, and make it obscene. "

We re-worded quite a bit of that when I was at school, but that's a very long time ago now and so I can't remember the rest of it.
(Fri 28th Jan 2005, 12:57, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

after i left uni
I worked at Boots thru an agency in the factory making nurofen. After 4 months you got made a Boots temp, but 1 day before this was due to happen I broke my hand punching a wall and had to have a month off. I got full sick pay from my agency (extremely rare) and Boots made me a temp anyway and paid me in full.
I've never been so rich before or since and had the best December ever.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 13:27, More)

» Local Nutters

out on the piss in Nottingham
one Wednesday night a fair few years ago, right at the beginning of the night a weird looking tramp comes up to me and my mate and says something along the lines of “I know I’m a black man but can you spare me any change” plus some more inane ranting I can’t remember. Okay, he’s clearly strange and I want rid so I gives him a quid and he fucks off.
Fast forward several hours and I’m rat-arsed. I leave the club (The Rig – fucking wank on Wednesdays) and go searching for food. No where’s ever fucking open on a Wednesday night in Nottm so I’m standing around at a bit of a loss. All of a sudden up pops strange tramp from earlier on. Now I’m a happy drunk who will profess his love to anyone and everyone and we were soon wandering the streets arm in arm like best mates. He then turns to me and asks for some change so he can get the train home. I told him I’d already given him some earlier that night. To which he said “That wasn’t me, that’s my evil twin brother. He’s always getting me in trouble”. My heart sank and I sobered up pretty damn quick, finally got rid of him by saying I was gonna get him some money from the bank and sprinted across Market Square and into the first taxi I could stop.

Ironically I spent several hours asleep on a bench outside my mates house that night, just like a tramp would.
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 9:29, More)

» People with Stupid Names

with no regard for the data protection act
Both my brother and one of my best mates have worked in customer services for a well know credit card company. Everyone who works on the phones was warned of a card holder going by the name of Spunky Transvestite incase he came thru to them and they thought it was a piss-take. Neither of them ever spoke to him unfortunately and he no longer has a card in his wallet.

And another mate has an uncle called Ray Wray.
(Tue 31st Aug 2004, 13:06, More)