» Good Advice

if someone says "dont worry I'm not gonna punch you"
deck them quickly they are thinking about it
(Thu 20th May 2010, 21:19, More)

» Guilty Secrets

bad tattoo
FIRST POST EVER
In a homeless hostel in the mid eighties bored and skint this guy asked us to tattoo spurs or man u or something on his back .
we duly obliged by tattooing CUNT in bad scrawley blood stained dirty pin stabbed letters .
Well glad i got that off my shoulders
(unlike that poor sod) :0
(Sat 1st Sep 2007, 10:50, More)

» Stupid Dares

i set fire to dunstable
1977 rather good summer, hot dry. 11 years old . it was the night of the silver jubilee and to celebrate that night the island had decided to light signal fires from lands end to john "o" groats.
me and a couple of friends all 11 yrs didn't have a fucking clue this was happenin BUT we were on dunstable downs near the luton rd where you can see the sugar loaf on top, with a big box of vesta's
trouble was we were by a barley field just mowed with lines and lines of straw waiting to be harvested for staw bales
so ........... we lit one up .......and patted it out( this passes as it was the inspoken dare that can only pass between 11 yr olds )we lit another spot . Same again
EMBOLDENED we light a geanie with the remainding matches ... WHOOOMPH the barley strip lights we go to put it out .... the wind changes up goes the next line and so on creating the forest fire effect!
We run like fuck in totally different directions..
That night my mum takes me to the Milton Keynes signal lighting ceremony for her majesties 25th.As soon as we get there around dusk its quickly lit .
You guessed it
they aint seeing the previous fire they are seeing the inferno that me and si and al lit ....I gazed on in stupification
on the way home after the blaze mum pipes up ooh look they must be burning the stubble
pointing at the downs
never b4 told , the night we cocked up meticluous signal fire planning
they hadn't even set off lands end
live on telly and everything
hey its my birthday tomorrow yay
(Sat 3rd Nov 2007, 1:00, More)

» Insults

worked in a young offenders institute
where the scrotes always tried to wind you up .
upon being called a fat bastard one officer retorted ,I'm only this fat cos each time I fuck your mom she gives me a biscuit..
classic
(Sun 7th Oct 2007, 16:59, More)

» The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten

Extra matured lager
Drunkenly stashed an open can in the airing cupboard at a party , then forgot about it . A month later I drunkenly stashed an open can in the same airing cupboard but remembered this time .
grabbing the wrong can equals instant spuke
(Sun 29th May 2011, 10:53, More)