» Procrastination

Gym
About 5 years a go in a fit of "I'm too lardy and need to get fitterer" I joined the local gym.

Then I attended about 5 times, then took a year break and attended about 10 times.

Now, 3 years later with no further attendance, I finally went into the gym to hand in my "please cancel my membership" letter (written by the missus, not by me).

I've learnt a lesson in life; don't join a gym, get a dog: it's cheaper, more effective, more rewarding and you get a free burgular alarm thrown in.
(Sat 15th Nov 2008, 8:52, More)

» Pet Peeves

Londoners
Specifically Londoners that believe that London is the whole of England (yes BBC, I'm talking about you).

Many parts of England were important when London was just a bog by the Thames (and it still is).

We don't really care about the Mayor of London elections - you can fester in your own Community Charge and stupid house prices.

Also facist Welsh, who continue in going on about the "Evil English". I'm a Yorkshireman - we've been under the yoke of the English for much much longer.
(Mon 5th May 2008, 23:05, More)

» Pet Peeves

Where do I stop
I'm easily annoyed:

People using American spelling when they're British. There is no excuse, the language is called English for a reason, if you wanted to use the corrupt watered-down version, move to the US. This especially pisses me off with the word licence - "licence" is a noun, "license" is a verb; how difficult is this to understand?

Old people in powerful cars. This seems to be a modern trend, the Freds (as my dad used to call them) have moved on from 15 year old cars with a whippet in the passenger seat to spanky new performance cars, but still drive them the exact same way. I'm sure they get the accelerator tuned down deliberately; my car cannot even accelerate that slowly.

People hogging the outside lanes. It's quite simple, you occupy lane 1 whenever its free. lane 2, 3 and 4 are for overtaking *only*. I don't care whether you're turning right in 12 miles time, change lanes nearer the point.

Slow walking people. If you must walk at a speed that makes a snail look quick, walk at the side of the pavement. Down walk slap bang in the middle and then complain when people try and get past you.

In supermarkets, people who insist on leaving their trolleys in the middle of the aisle whilst waiting for their 2 braincells to decided which flavour of low-fat yoghurt is best for them.

People who come round to my desk at work. Send a frigging email: it's quicker for you, quicker for me and I have more chance to focus my full attention on the subject. Some people, like me, understand things better visually than verbally.

People who interupt me whilst eating. I really don't want somebody trying to distract me from my important tasks of providing vital calories and catching up with Internet sites.

Apple fan boys, especially when they misquote Fitt's law to support their badly designed, ugly, designed for morons, yoghurt drinking operating system. If you're a pretentious, soulless, moron with more desire to (bad) style over substance then buy a Mac; don't then dribble on about how much better it is - you're wrong and you're stupid and you're ugly.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 9:13, More)

» Sleepwalking

Sleeptalking
According to my girlfriend, my nocturnal speaking last night consisted of the words "kill, kill, kill".

What I was dreaming of I know not...
(Wed 22nd Aug 2007, 23:56, More)

» Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Reign of terror
Back when I was younger and did a lot of local Live Role Playing Games we found out that there were regular reports in the Leicester Mercury about the gang warfare and satanic rituals being enacted on Aylestone Meadows (where we played) - there weren't any it was us!

But the best one. For a one off game, based on 'Aliens', the Armed Response Unit was called out (even though we'd informed the police in advance - twunts didn't think to check). There were some great quotes in everything from the Mercury to Radio 1!

Some notables:
"I knew it wasn't real when the dead people stood up and lit a cigarette"
"Entirely too realistic for my liking" - This was from the pissed off sergeant in charge of the ARU.
(Sat 12th Feb 2005, 10:14, More)