They never learn...

poor stixel men...

(Tue 15th Jul 2008, 16:30, More)

Suicide Block
Homeless?
Jobless?
Broke?
Hungry?
Depressed?
Kills several birds with one stone.. so to speak

..coming soon to a town near you.

(Mon 7th Jul 2008, 15:40, More)

ever had one of those days?

now with new improved ending...
** current pixel-party count 84!!**
(Sat 17th Sep 2005, 16:46, More)

and thus

I was able to keep myself entertained while I waited for the boards to come back up

(Wed 27th Jul 2005, 1:21, More)

» Pointless Experiments

drain brain
I have always had an overwhelming compulsion to insert parts of my body into things to see if they will fit, usually with rather predictably embarassing results. Here are just a few of the more spectacular examples...

Exhibit 1. I once put my foot down a small square drain up the road from where I lived (I was 12 at the time) It did fit.. but because the small square I had squeezed my foot into opened out into a bigger gully below, once my heel popped back out I was completely and utterly stuck in said drain. My mother, and subsequently the fire brigade, were called to get me out - and the bill to repair the pavement took months of my pocket money to pay off.

Exhibit 2. I once got my finger stuck in a wrought iron picnic table in a pub garden on a first date. The kitchen assistant who was summoned with washing up liquid & butter thought it was hilarious. I never had a second date with that guy.

Exhibit 3. I was on a flight with my family (aged about 10) and the button on the end of the seat arm to make it recline, was missing - leaving a rather invitingly finger-sized hole. 15 mins later I had to admit to my mother that I was stuck again, and that I was beginning to lose the feeling in my finger. After a lot of pulling and grunting the whole arm of the seat came off. My mother looked down the cavity of the seat arm and determined that since my finger was turning black, this had to be fixed right away. She made me put my hand up high to slow the blood flow, and then marched me the entire length of the plane to the stewardesses at the front. Of course they didn't have any butter at the front of the plane, so I was marched, arm up high, with an entourage of rescuers to the rear of the plane, thus ensuring that there was not a single person onboard who was not aware of my predicament.
(Tue 29th Jul 2008, 18:33, More)

» Stuff I've found

bright pink string...
When I was about 13 years old - so we're talking a good couple of decades ago now! - I noticed a line of bright pink string running along the gutter on my way home from school. I followed it all the way to the end of our road and it carried on up the hill into the distance.

"Mum" I said when I got home. "There's a line of bright pink string running all the way from school past the end of the road and onwards"

I'm not sure why, but we decided this mysterious string needed investigating. We went to the end of the road and both started gathering it in to a ball from where it passed us. About half an hour later my end reached its conclusion... by now we had a ball of pink string about the size of a large melon... but in the other direction it was still going strong.

It took over 3 hours to complete our reeling in task. Dinner was burnt.. from memory my father highly disapproved... and we ended up with a ball of bright pink string about the size of a generous beach ball.

To this day I have no idea where it came from or what its purpose was - my mother still sends me packages in the mail tied up with bright pink string :)
(Fri 7th Nov 2008, 0:31, More)

» Pointless Experiments

fly trap
When I was about 6 or 7 I think, I captured a housefly under a thimble on the windowsill of my room (it was sluggish due to chilly weather rather than me being some sort of ninja thimble-wielder). I decided to keep it there and see how long it lived - then promptly forgot all about it. About 4 weeks later I saw the thimble and thought, oh my I guess it died - but when I lifted the thimble-prison it was still alive, and crawled weakly towards the sunshine which it had been deprived of for so much of it's short life. I felt so amazingly guilty that I nursed it back to health with sugary water until it gained enough strength to fly out of the window.
(Tue 29th Jul 2008, 18:18, More)

» Workplace Boredom

Sleep...
I used to work in one of those prefabricated office environments.. plastic people and cheap partition walls. My chair backed up to a partition which connected to the door, and every time someone opened the door the wall would belt me on the back of the head as it shuddered on it's flimsy frame... but I found a way to love that wall.

1. Apply sunglasses to eyes
2. Place pencil in hand and position (tip down) on a pad in front of you.
3. Tip chair subtely back on 2 legs so that head is rested against the partition wall.
4. Go to sleep.

Any time someone came in the room I would be flung forwards as I awoke... and would immediately start furiously writing fractions and other complicated stuff on the pad - thereby appearing far too busy to be interupted!!
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 18:19, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

When I knew it was over
Sometimes you should know, but don’t. This happened with my first love, who cheated on me and dumped me sooo many times during our 3 years relationship, but I never learnt. Even after I moved to America for a year to get over him, then came back and lived in London. Over the next 6 years or so I carved out a successful life for myself – good job, great bunch of friends - but the one thing I still couldn’t get right was boys. I just couldn’t quite get over the heart breaker from my childhood. He was so cool and popular, and I felt so special when I was with him. Plus he had the best mullet in the whole school.

So then I go back home to St Albans for a night out with my brother and some of our old friends. We end up in the Hair & Hounds (an old hangout back in the day).. and who do you think was in there? My ex… fat, pissed, married, and still sporting the mullet in all it’s glory. We exchanged unsteady hello’s and then engaged in the customary discourse… “how have you been?” “what are you doing now?” “etc.”

He’s not been bad thanks. He changes tyres for a living. His wife really doesn’t understand him, and he’s often thought about what might have happened if he’d stayed with me… and maybe later we could…? Well.. you know.

I walked out of the pub that night a happy woman. What a fucking lucky escape.
(Sat 23rd Jul 2005, 14:21, More)