» Mobile phone disasters

Birthdays and bath tubs
It was at my 20th birthday a handful of years ago. I was living the good life at a flat with my mates, and on my birthday we went all out. No balloons, not heaps of people, but a dozen good mates, a lot of booze, and 48 hours of music and binging.

At some point during the weekend someone turned up with a bag of pot, and though knowing my tolerance is terrible, I decided to indulge a bit. It was my birth weekend after all.

A few hours later the flat patrons realised they hadn't seen me for a while, so went exploring. What they eventually found was a tripping cupz in the bath, wearing nothing but a shoe on his cock, a grin on his face, a cigarette up his nose, the shower on full, and his cell phone ringing from 2 inches underwater.

It was once I crawled out of the bath with the intension to ‘dick-kick' those who were happily taking photos, that my phones lithium-ion battery decided it was sick of being in dirty water and exploded.

The explosion wasn't much of an explosion, but with the dull echoing noise in my ear I managed to slip on the gin covered floor and pass out for the remainder of the photo-taking conference.

These photos still manage to meet the eyes of every new person I meet. Though at least this weans out the potential friends that don’t take kindly to naked shoe-cock men with broken bath tubs
(Mon 3rd Aug 2009, 9:03, More)

» Useless advice

Pig farts win war
back in the day, would have been 6 or so - i was in the car with my mother having a deep philisophical brainstorm about farts. wanting a second opinion i asked my mother wether fart gas could kill people. she glanced over and told me yes. and that in WW1 they used to sellotape jars to pigs bottoms while they were eating so they could collect the fart gas and use the jars as gernades.
i bought this astounding fact up a few years later at one of my parents get-togethers. i didn't live it town 'till i reached my teens. go mum
(Wed 25th Oct 2006, 5:03, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

Well...
I got into a nice little situation in which i had two bosses, but each one thought that the other one was my main boss. this tied in quite nicely since they were both on differant floors. I got away with not doing any work for 2 months before they realised what was going on. Its safe to say that i don't work there anymore...
(Wed 27th Apr 2005, 16:05, More)

» Why I was late

I have plenty
Being the lazy bastard that I am.
I was late every single day without fail for nearly a year at a past job. Anywhere from 15 minutes, to 2 hours. And my excuse everytime?
"Traffic"
After a while they stopped asking. It still amazes me that i actually had to resign to find myself out of that job. Brilliant.


I also had a habbit of calling in drunk as a skunk, and slurring incoherantly over the background music,
apparently trying to explain that I think i have the flu and probably wont make it in tomorrow.
Come to think of it, i really miss that job. Good pay too
(Fri 29th Jun 2007, 9:26, More)