» Weird Traditions

School
Background (fast-forward past italics for the real stuff):

In my disgustingly middle class masons' club of a public school I was in the 'gay' house. Everyone knew our reputation was just a mud-slinging campaign encouraged by the unimaginative 'sports/ned' house (St. Dai's - we were better than them at sport, as well as music and academia, and they knew it) and much to their consternation we played up to this and my year in particular became renowned for being total queens. We even had a song which the aforementioned cretins 'made up': 'School-House Gays, la la laa' (repeat ad infinitum. If you're musical, and just to give you an idea of how fucking boring these people were, it had a straight 2/4 feel, starting on the mediant for the first syllable, descending to the super tonic for the second half of the first beat, and then down a further tone to the tonic for the third syllable which was held for the second beat; repeat for the 'laas') They gleefully chanted this at us for about a week, and then I added my own flair to it, and we sung it in five part harmony back at them whenever they started up, with the two topmost voices in a screeching falsetto. They soon stopped.

This amongst many other things led to our reputation.


Probably the best tradition we had was the 'Radox Game'. A highly competitive competition, it involved suspending a shower-gel (originally of the 'Radox' brand, hence the name) bottle in mid air on your genitals, either by hanging it on an erect penis, unscrewing the top and stuffing the bell inside, or actually pulling the foreskin around and over the end, and swinging it to and fro 'twixed bandy legs until such time as it flies off. The aim was to get it to go the furthest. We even marked the wall of the communal showers with dates and names of various champions. The trick was to achieve a balance between the predictability of a light (empty) bottle and the travelling distance and knob-stretching properties (you get more swing) of a heavy bottle.

Also our Head of House, who had a rather too familiar relationship with the new third-formers coming in, glued a £1 coin to the floor of the communal showers where it stayed for years until some tight bastard chipped it off with a hockey stick and spent it.

This did not go down too well with a vehemently homophobic headmaster (he refused a well-known historian from London and his partner a bed for the night in his house after they had travelled all the way to mid-Wales as a special favour for the school) and he loathed us for the 'image we brought to the school'.

We gave it a better image than he did, the stupid fuck-stick that he was (he liked rugby).
(Wed 3rd Aug 2005, 16:37, More)

» My first love

Hmm
can't remember second names. I was five. One was Lara and the other Dido. Dido was HOT. And stupidly rich. Anyways they both showed me their fannies at the same time (that's two girls with skirts-up-knickers-down in front of me when I was five) on the Fort in the playground in return for a look at my cock.

Some filthy Peeping Tom in the year above me called Morris Something-or-other said afterwards that it was "dirty" showing them my willy. Miserable cunt.
(Mon 24th Oct 2005, 0:59, More)

» Posh

My
brother is personal friends with T. Dhamiri Petra, the Crown-Prince of Malaysia, and has a permanent invitation to drop into the palace any time, Abimbola Fernandez, daughter of His Excellency Ambassador Chief Antonio Deinde Fernandez, the new Permanent Representative of the Central African Republic and the richest and most influential African Warlord in the world, Hector Falconer, son of Brian Falconer, one of the top ten Scottish landowners, and second cousin to Lord Falconer, the Lord Chancellor, Lady Katherine Douglas, daughter of Lady Irene Douglas, the Marchioness of Bute...the list goes on. And then there are all the minor deities he is concerned with as well.

My grandfather, Major (medical) Dr. R. R. Hughes PhD OBE, set up and commanded the field hospital for the Allies at D-Day, and was awarded the George Cross and the Conspicuous Gallantry award, and afterards basically invented neuroscience. One of his books, Clinical Electroencephalography, and many of his papers are still used as core-texts by students around the world, and remain bibles to that exact science. His son and my uncle, Dr. S. H. C. Hughes, developed a method of producing CT-scanning devices more cheaply and making them available to the rest of the world.

We are also direct descendants of Daniel Defoe, the author of Robinson Crusoe.

We are upper-middle class and public-school educated, so we are not afflicted with accents and are therefore “posh” to the rest of you useless plebs. We also make your anti-work way of life financially possible because the government inexplicably hates us. Damn socialists. What-ho.
(Fri 16th Sep 2005, 18:28, More)

» Petty Sabotage

A friend
of mine chipped off the pound coin which our rather too familiar Head of House had glued to the floor in the middle of the communal showers, and then spent it.

The sabotage was what happened to his arse as a result.
(Tue 10th May 2005, 18:31, More)

» Weddings

Fantastical monkey,
Nice pic, shame about the shoes.

My cousin, who apparently has half a gene missing and is every-so-slightly disabled, recently got married to an equally stange man with a wooden leg. (For some reason they had a fire engine there and I was made to wear a kilt.)

Some months later, after being a total arse-hole to her the whole time, he goes to the pub and brings back a load of "friends" who turn out to be crack heads and steal just about everything not bolted to the floor in their house, then return and the woman crack head threatens my cousin with a knife when told that she has nothing left for them to steal.

This is a disabled girl they do this to.

Ho hum.

(They are no longer together, but it was odd anyway. God what a dull story.)
(Tue 19th Jul 2005, 15:08, More)