» I witnessed a crime

In a very similar story to shegetz one
I was Mugged in Nottingham... sorta.

I was drunk; incredibly so- the type where you lean against a wall, loll your head about and laugh at your own reflection in the mirror- and I had my phone out texting some girl I had met earlier (probably with "secks pls" or some other derivative.)

Tall, black very gangsta looking dude walks up to me. He's a living sterotype, he looks like one of the cosby kids- so I laugh at him.

"Give me ya phone!" he says

"naaah" I say

"Nah you don't understand mate... give me ya fuckin phone!" he replied, getting pretty angry

drunkenly I entered a giggling fit- "YOU give me YOUR phone! Hehehehehe!"





"...N-no?" He said, actually looking hurt.


"WELL then," I say, and stumbled off

About twenty seconds later I realised he was trying to mug me, and cried.
(Sat 16th Feb 2008, 17:50, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

My ex-girlfriend.
Easily the craziest girl in the world.

Easily.

She was the definition of Bunny-boiler.

But quite the goer in the bedroom. Her mum was out and we were getting down to it one day when she looked me straight in the eye and said:

"I want you to rape me"

I spluttered "w-what?" to which she replied

"Fucking rape me. Chase me round the house and rape me"

So there I was, I had to chase this girl around the house, both of us with our bits flapping around. When I caught her I had to put my hands around her neck and say things like "Shut up bitch or I'll cut you!"

This is ALOT less arousing than it sounds.

Particularly when she said "Oh no please stop!! Please let me go!!" and started sobbing.

I immediatly stopped thrusting and said "Oh my god are you okay? I'm not hurting you or anything am I?"

"No" She replied "I'm just getting into character..."



.
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 17:59, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Back in sixth form
Here I was, sitting in the School Library trying to get some coursework done for the following lesson, and a bunch of lower set year eights sit on the computers around me.

Their teacher makes them open google earth and they start examining the maps of africa- they're being noisy but oh well, they're thirteen for christsakes.

Zoomed in on the Central African Republic the young blonde teacher asks them "and what continent are we looking at?"

"Australia!"
"Russia!"
"Europe!"
"Essex!"

came the serious replies. I sink my head into my hands. The teacher comes over to the boy next to me-

"Well where do you think the CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC is then, billy?"

"Asia, miss?"

"the central AFRICAN republic? In Asia?"

"Erm, I dunno...."

Suddenly there came a sound of shock from a few desks away-

"Miss, Miss!" a little creature said, waving her hand about.

"This Country is WELL racist!"

she says, pointing to Niger.
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 18:41, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Two muslims walk into a bar
boom boom
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 20:10, More)

» Why I was late

The most disgusting thing I ever saw was...



Wait.

Bollocks... errm.

I didn't realise it was thursday?
(Thu 28th Jun 2007, 15:19, More)