» When Animals Attack

don't worry about the spiders...
a long time ago, when i was very young, there was a 'reptile park' about an hours drive up the coast. this place also had lots lovely native fauna - kangaroos, emus etc.

also when i was very young i was in the brownies (do they still exist? i'm talking the junior girl guides thing, not the delicious fudgy chocolatey cakes nor anything poo related...)

anyway, the brownie pack were taken off on a bus trip to visit the reptile park. the park sold bags of 'food' so that all the little kiddies could get up close and personal to feed the animals. after purchasing a bag i wandered off to find a friendly hungry marsupial or two.

what i got was a crazy beady eyed emu that ran full pelt towards me and snatched the bag from me. i ran off screaming only to be chased by a big male kangaroo that thought i still had some goodies for him. i don't think i have ever run so fast or screamed so much in my life.

i never knew what the 'food' in those bags was but i'm pretty sure it was the 60/70's version of crack - those creatures were prepared to attack a ten year old child to get their fix.
(Sat 26th Apr 2008, 5:49, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

must wear black
at my step-grandfather's funeral there were some 3rd cousins (15 times removed) - these girls were mingers in the extreme. obviously they were of the belief that funerals mean you must wear black. with their black fishnet stockings, black crotch-high miniskirts and black skimpy lace tops, they would have been more at home at a hookers convention. i'm just thankful that they were not blood relations.

on another note, i used to work with a woman whose son worked at the crematorium. a family member of one of their 'clients' made a complaint about the muzak playing in the chapel prior to the cremation - 'light my fire'...
(Sat 13th May 2006, 15:31, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

not quite in a church but will be sent to hell
i was raised without religion. i am not an atheist, i just don't have religion. worked with a very devout catholic guy who goes to church, twice a day, every day (but was the most bigoted, rude, intolerant person i have ever met).

i rocked into work one day, saw churchman in the corridor.

me:'hey paul, you have a smudge of stuff on your forehead.'
paul: 'don't you know what today is?'
me: 'yeah, wednesday'
paul: (with a belligerent shout) 'ash wednesday!!'
me: 'what's that?'
death stare, shake of head, disgusted sigh, he stalked off.

i had to ask one of the more nice catholics in the office what had offended him so much.
(Sun 4th Sep 2011, 8:14, More)

» This book changed my life

every single book that i have read...
has changed my life in some way. i find it hard to understand people who don't read! i'll read pretty much anything although you will not find much sci-fi in my collection

sadly, the internets has become a bit of an addiction in recent years and my reading habits have suffered. despite this addiction, i still buy books - i bought 9 books in the last week - they have been added to the ever increasing pile of 'books to be read'.

i have started reading again in the last few weeks and i'm determined to get through as least one book a week - that will make some space to add more books to be read.

in the last week, i've been reading 3 books - 'the long way down' by nick hornby is finished, very close to the end of 'the cupboard' by rose tremain and i've started 'the a to z of judith lucy' (the autobiog of an aussie comedienne). they should be wrapped up the end of the weekend and then i'll start some more.

favourites? um...

authors: kurt vonnegut, george orwell, dorothy parker, rose tremain, marion halligan (aussie author), graham swift, ian banks (no m), nick hornby, bill bryson, mr tolkein

specific books: the drifters/james michener, pillars of the earth/ken follett (i bought the sequel last week!)

guilty pleasure genre: true crime (with pictures)

well, it's not quite 9pm on friday night here in sydney, there is bugger all worth watching on the telly and i've spent enough time on the net for the evening - i think i'll go to bed and read some more :)

edit: how did i miss mr vonnegut in my list. his books definitely changed the way i think about the world. pure genius. he introduced me to the concept of taking a flying fuck at a rolling donut! it is a phrase i use as often as i can.

i'm still here at the computer and i have a rather impressive shopping list - the local 2nd hand bookstores will be loving this QOTW.
(Fri 16th May 2008, 11:47, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

bubbles
sitting on the back balcony the day after a friend's wedding, playing with the little bottle of bubbles that seemed to be the table gift of all weddings at the time. neighbour's kitty comes over to say hello so i blow a few bubbles in her direction (well, right in her face...) omfg, crazy apeshit kitty shot off down the stairs, shrieking like a banshee - i guess she didn't like the bubbles as much as i did :)
(Sun 9th Dec 2007, 1:30, More)