» School Projects

I should never be allowed to run a business
Picture the scene - High school business project, everyone in the year does a little quiz to see what position they should have in a company, they are then all assigned to random companies and filed into a large hall
Each company has a chequebook, a managing director, and company signed badges for everyone, the objective is to use the money you are given at the start to make the largest profit by buying raw materials and designs and selling products to a panel of different people masquerading as things like military officials or fashion gurus.
I was the managing director of Airbus, and in the 6 hours we spent in the hall, I spent not a penny of our money, I instead stole half of the chequebooks and random badges from each company, spent all of their money on planes, made my workers build them, and personally smuggled them across the "Border" into the area where we could sell them
Somehow I didn't ome out top, but I did drive several businesses into bankruptcy.
(Thu 13th Aug 2009, 21:53, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

About six months ago...
My grandad passed away after a long battle with cancer, I was actually setting off to go see him when I was told he had just passed away.
When it came to the funeral, the route was to go down his street, through the centre of town, and past all of the pubs he used to frequent.

Outside of every pub was a group of people there to see him off.
Then as we pulled into the cemetery, it hit us, it was tallied up at around 500 people waiting outside to get into the service.
I'd like to thank all of those people for such a fantastic send off.
One of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, and an amazing thing to do for my grandad.
R.I.P
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 9:43, More)

» Customers from Hell

Being a Retail slave.....
Worked in retail for the past two years, short amount of time in the job world, but long enough to have dealt with a large amount of arseholes and cunts, lets start with when I was at McDonalds

Every friday, without fail the same group of mindless scallys would congregate inside, we would have to chuck them out for dancing on table/threatening staff/shitting in the urinals within half an hour of them arriving, they would then follow up by standing outside for the next three hours until we closed.

We used to have a really nice guy who came in every saturday morning to grab a bite to eat, one saturday he walks up to the till, happy as ever, then his expressions goes vacant and I hear him mutter "Fuck".
He then vacates the premises immediately, the bugger had pissed himself at the counter. Bugger them if they thought I was gonna clean it.

Now, on to the second Job, A popular game retailer that rhymes with "Game"
Oh, fuck.

Customer trying to bring back a console he had plainly bust himself. Argues with the manager for a good 10 minutes, until storming off, parting with the comment; "I don't have to put up with this hassle, I'm a doctor"

Few weeks later this pleasant seeming lady comes in to trade in a fuckton of old PS2 games, as is to be expected, they aren't all in good condition, and they don't really trade for more than £2 each.
Since if a disc is damaged, we have to take £1 off the price to be able to take it in, I guarantee her that if something is damaged and trades in for less than £1, I will give it her back, as she would be paying us to take it away from her.
Everything goes through fine, ten minutes later, she comes back.
"I looked at this receipt, and this game traded in for £1"
"I know that"
"You promised me that if it traded in for £1 or less you would give it me back"
"Sorry, I said that if it was damaged and less than £1"
"I want it back"
"Sorry, we ccan't do it, the receipt you signed was a legally binding contract saying that you accept the prices displayed on the receipt"
"WELL FUCK YOU, I'M GOING TO REPORT YOU TO TRADING STANDARDS YOU BASTARD"
(My boss)"Please exit the store"

Also, a few weeks after Easter. I am on a 1:30 (this bit was important) until 5:30
A lady comes in to trade for cash, she seemed happy with the price she was getting, then I asked for the two required forms of ID.
She had one, and this is the conversation that followed;
"You told me at 10am today that I only needed one"
"Sorry, It is a government legislation that we have to take two forms."
"SO ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THE LAW?!?!?!"
"Sorry, what time did you say you came in at?"
"10am"
"I started today at 1:30"
"Bugger off"

There's more where those came from, available on request.

Oh bugger, how I do ramble on.
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 18:40, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

McDonalds
I used to work at fair old McDonalds. it has its fair share of bastards, it also takes some of everyone elses as a side order.

1: This guy was an arse, he locked people in the freezer, sprayed them with a hose and punched a manager once, he was eventually sacked for getting his cock out on the drive through.

2: She was a manager, and she also happened to be an utter slag, she slept with about half of the staff, and if you hadn't slept with her, then she wold treat you like shit constanly, an example would be when she edited a staff members payroll details so they wouldn't get paid for a few months.

3: This girl/beast/thing was pretty much just the mind-slave of number 2, kind of like the little chavs you see following around the older chavs, you know, the ones who don't really understand why they have to borrow 20p off me, they just do.

So over all, a rather wholesome experience.
(Sun 27th Jan 2008, 0:09, More)

» Trolls

Well...Yep
It was a couple of years ago, I'd been shopping in Manchester and had just got the train back to Stockport, as most people will get in most city centres, I had been offered a lot of the leaflets about how god thinks we're scum and we're all going to burn. I have a tendency to stick these in my pocket rather than just chuck them in a bin, this is the first time one came in handy.

I got off the train, and near the station is a set of steps leading to the bus station, as usual, at the top is a group of chavs (Scallys, scum etc etc etc. One of the lads in the group, probably no more than 14 years old, looks at me and exclaims "Oh. My. God"

Naturally, I pull out the leaflet, hand it to him, and explain "I'll tell you a thing or two about god"

I leave, he's speechless. VICTORY.
(Thu 19th May 2011, 12:18, More)