» Guilty Secrets

Cheesy Cigarettes
*POP*

After lurking for a veeeery long time I've finally decided to pop my posting virginity with this little nugget.

Many moons ago, my good friend Derv was seeing a lady from "Oop North" (thats North England for you septics). After being out on the lash for most of the evening with Derv, his lady friend and a couple of her mates, I ended up snogging one of her mates. This went on for a couple of hours and eventually we left the shit nightclub we were in and headed back to Derv's ladyfriend's place.

After leaving Derv and said missus way behind, I found myself on the doorstep on the way to getting down to some serious groping action (and possibly more)...... or so I thought. She did a complete about turn and decided to let me in on the fact that she was seeing someone (quite seriously as it happens) and wasn't prepared for anything else.

Well, after the horn was well and truly roused, I was quite miffed at this and after she went to bed, I noticed that she'd left her cigarettes on the kitchen table. I decided if she wasn't going to partake of the Swarve sausage voluntarily, she was going to taste it in another form, so I whipped my cock out and wiped it on the filters of all of her remaining cigarettes. I just hope I don't end up with some form of knob cancer from it.

Length? She never knew but she enjoyed about 18 inches of my goodness ;-)
(Sat 1st Sep 2007, 13:04, More)

» Get Rich Quick

Raining cash
I'd picked up a cheap umbrella ($6) from a supermarket during one of the mini rainfalls in Melbourne last December.

During the following week, it sustained plenty of wear and tear. After work one afternoon, when it was completely pissing it down, I was on the way to meet a group of friends for pre-xmas drinks. While I was waiting to go in to the pub (the bouncers were dealing with a pissed up bloke) a couple of guys were leaving the pub and commented on how bad the weather was. I immediately offered my umbrella for the bargain fee of $15. They snapped it up and went on their merry way sheltered from the rain.

Total profit: $9 (150%) !!!!
(Sun 3rd Aug 2008, 10:01, More)

» When Animals Attack

Those damn roos!
During a trip to a place called Philip Island on the south coast of Victoria, Australia, myself and my friend, Nicole ventured into a nature park to check out some of the creatures indigenous to Australia (Kookaburras, Kangaroos, bats, Echidnas, Wombats, etc).

After wandering around feeding some of the animals, we spotted an open reserve with a few joeys hopping around and thought it would be great to go in and feed some while taking a few snaps close up.

After spending about half an hour wandering round, feeding some of the young 'uns, we found ourselves quite deep into the reserve where the roos seemed to be getting quite large.

Several larger roos (5ft+) decided to venture a bit closer and after hearing some of the stories about how they'll tear you open with one swipe of their claws, we decided to be a bit more wary.

After I'd just finished feeding a joey a handful of feed, I turned around and spotted one of the 5ft roos right behind a crouching Nicole. As I watched, I saw the ninja-roo start leaning back on it's tail, ready to give her a kick. Now I don't know if any of you have actually seen a roo rear back, it's quite a sight to behold. Those tails are pretty damn thick and to see it effortlessly rear back onto it's tail gave me a pretty good idea as to how much power it probably had.

I called out to Nicole and much to her credit, she turned round and offered a handful of feed to her would-be attacker in order to placate him. I joined her and fed it some more. This had the desired effect and after gobbling down a couple of handfuls of feed, the roo decided to retire to a safer distance.

We continued feeding some of the joeys and Nicole had wandered a little further away from me to feed a couple that hadn't had any from us. After a few minutes, Nicole called over to me as I stood up. As I was turning to face her, I felt an almighty whack in my right thigh. Yes, the ninja roo had returned and had got the serious hump that I was feeding some of the young ones. A scene of me taking on the roo in a boxing match and getting my ass well and truly kicked flashed through my mind.

Not wanting to end the day in hospital or worse still, having my entrails spilled over the ground for the rest of the roos to feed on during the night, I backed off, whilst delving into my bag of feed in case it decided to come and have another go.

I tossed the feed in it's direction to distract it while Nicole and I joined forces and made our way through the plethora of roo droppings back to the entrance. Only when I was safely out of harms way did I then shake my fist at it, taunting it till it hopped off into the bush.

Length - its tail was a good 5 ft long!
(Sat 26th Apr 2008, 9:43, More)

» Pet Peeves

'Would of'
No, no, no, no, NO!

It's 'would've' - the ' indicates the ha from have is missing, as in 'would have'.

Same goes with 'Should of' and 'Could of' (Though I've not seen those bastardised anywhere near as often).

GAH!!!!!!
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 5:30, More)

» Pet Peeves

Lego
what is it with the septics that they call Lego, Legos?
(Thu 1st May 2008, 23:15, More)