» Barred

myself and least one other b3tan are members of an organisation in Oxford
who put on stunt shows and the like. 20-odd years of tradition has it that after such events, we pack up, then rendezvous at the nearest chinese takeaway/buffet for........DUCK!
On one occasion we were at a (well known) all you can eat Chinese buffet somewhere in Oxford. Instead of going up induvidually to make a few duck pancakes, we went up en masse and used 3 plates as scoops to liberate 90% of the duck from the hot plate.
A similar tactic was employed for the spring onions, cucumber and pancakes. the Hoi Sin sauce was in 3 mayo dispenser type things, so we had one of those too.

We hit the duck counter a further 3 times that evening, but on the 3rd time we went up, the meat on the hotplate was different somehow - closer inspection revealed it to be -shock horror- chicken! A curt word to a passing waiter brought the chef out, who then attempted to assure us that it was duck, just that it was fresher than normal. One of the lawyer types (drunken Oxford students & graduates are a faorce to be reckoned with) gave him a lengthy, semi-coherant chance to back up and admit that it was chicken. He was adament that it was duck, so someone landed a well wrapped pancake on his face. The rest of the table then joined in, and before long the entire resturant had joined us in pelting the hapless chap with food.

Needless to say the manager appeared and was less than amused at being caught in the crossfire - and threw the entire lot of customers out!

An attempted night out by a couple of us the week after resulted in us being recognised and not allowed in, but a recent email from two of the guys suggests that they've now forgotten us.

I find that it's not the length that she loves, its the girth.
(Fri 1st Sep 2006, 15:34, More)

» Panic Buying

Paniiiic
once missed out on what promised to be a hot nookie session due to lack of fucksocks. Next day, stocked up on Durex. Didnt get any for another 11 months. ARSE!
(Tue 3rd Jan 2006, 16:03, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

let me see....
strangest would have to be either:

under the duty officer's desk at Liverpool Street train station on the night of the 7th July 2005.
Having spent 8 hours stuck in a tube train (we were in the train behind the Aldgate bomb train), overheated (even after smashing all the windows of the tube - the little hammers provided on the walls are shite, hiking boots are far more effective!), pissed off and without water, light or news of what the hell was happening, we were finally rescued and walked the 3/4 mile or so to Liverpool st station.
Of course, all train services were suspended, and the 'phone networks were down, so i had no way of getting home to scummy sunny Ipswich.
So I was told to kip in the police station till the morning, when national rail services would resume. Thing is there were lots of us, so we drew straws for cell beds/chairs/tables etc.
I lost, and ended up under the duty officer's desk


~Also~

In the seat of an F3 racing car, whilst it was in the team's 40ton transporter lorry ,being taken from the prep garage to Brands Hatch. The seat was comfy (made to fit my arse&back, natch) and i was tired. Nuff said.
(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 23:18, More)

» Crap meals out

went to an extremely posh restaurant
for grandad's 80th birthday. Most of us ordered lobster. before the plates had been cleared away, everyone that had consumed said tasty crustaceon was projectile vomiting all over the place.

My whole family felled in one go by a sea critter that we were trying to eat. fucksocks.


that said, i did get a week of school with food poisoning (it was that long ago!), and we got 3 free meals at the restaurant as compensation
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 14:37, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Jenson Button
may be good looking according to some ladies, but really he's a Fromey inbred twat. And he won't admit it. We have been bothering him about it since september last year, and he now recognises my group of student engineers whenever we're at an F1 event, and actively avoids us.
(Fri 26th May 2006, 0:40, More)