» Urban Legends

the lefty conspiracy
Ok, this is a case of inventing a myth...

my first party in university, and two of my new found friends are having a conversation about mars bars. One friend, lets call him bob, has managed to convince another, lets call her beryll, that a new mars bar is being produced for left handed people.

You see, apparently left handed people can't open ordinary mars bar packaging. At this point bob convinces (right-handed) beryll to attempt opening a mars bar packet with her left hand... of course she finds this very difficult and is deeply concerned about the injustice of this phenomenon. The problem is, says bob, the new left handed mars bar will cost ten pence extra, because all the machines in the factory will have to run backwards. beryll is incensed and begins to rant and rave 'this is discrimination!' she wails.

So bob decides to take it one step further...

You see bob is left handed and so has a habit of smudging his writing, due to the european practice of writing from left to right. this, during his GCSEs was a problem. So, he tells beryll, since he is also jewish, he was given special permission to write his GCSE answers in hebrew, which flows from right to left... producing smudge free, legible writing, provided the marker can read hebrew in the first place of course. She laps it up... he didn't tell her till a week later.

Beautiful.

(first post, by the way... hi ho all!)
(Tue 10th Jan 2006, 17:46, More)

» Useless advice

at my local train station:


I don't know whether to punctuate it or just write "No shit" underneath.
(Tue 24th Oct 2006, 19:44, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

I'm paranoid...
... so paranoid that I switch auto complete off and regularly delete my temporary internet files... I freak out if someone even looks over my shoulder while I'm on the internet. All this and I have never looked at porn in the 9 years I've had an internet connection O_O I'm not repressed!
Anywho, I do have a friend who was trying to fix her step dad's computer when google autocomplete dropped down to show entries for 'busty teenage girls and their dogs'.
At the time she was a busty teenage girl, with a dog. How wrong? So wrong.
(Wed 15th Feb 2006, 18:43, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

The Scots ARE Tight : P
People always told me the Scottish were tight with money, and I never believed them because I'm a pretentious liberal minded thing who thinks cultural stereotypes are, like, soooo wrong.

Then I visited Bangkok with a glaswegian friend. Not only did he return to our table from his toilet-stall fumble with a prostitute to spout the classic line:
"Thinking about it, I'm not sure that was a real woman... so I only got a blowjob in case"
so afraid was he of losing a few pennies that he then made the other 5 of us wait around outside the (now closed) 'ping-pong sex show bar' while he followed said man-wo-man off into the night trying to get change.

It took two hours, but he got his change.

(PS, to the guy who paid for it in Barcelona, that was probably the same prostitute my brother terrorised on his holiday by chasing her down the road screaming 'what have you done with the last ten years of your life??'... he's a strange one)
(Tue 24th Jan 2006, 18:13, More)