» Child Labour

Easy Money?
Slightly off subject, but...

When I was a teenager back in the '80s I had a series of the usual rubbish jobs for crappy money - garden centre, old people's home, McDonalds - but when I turned 18 I got my (then) dream job working behind the bar in the local pub. I bloody loved that job and kept on working there in Uni holidays too. Anyway, one summer I was saving up for something so was working loads of split shifts (anyone else remember the days when pubs closed in the afternoons...?). There were a few local old men who used to come in for a half of mild and I'd chat with them and, me being 18 and quite busty (ah, those were the days), they quite liked it. One day, when the pub closed after lunch, I went out to my car and found one of the old guys lurking in the car park. I'd been telling him earlier how I was trying to save up some money, and he asked me if I wanted to make some extra. I swear to God, what went through my head was "Shit, he's going to ask me to do some gardening". Strangely, instead of asking me to mow his lawn, he offered me £20 for me to unbutton my blouse and let him grope my tits. The words "Just a little look and a feel" still ring through my head. Being the polite well brought up girl I was, I actually apologised to him for not showing him my bosoms. I got my own back by getting him barred though. Teenage girls can be so unforgiving.

I still have a nagging feeling that I turned down the easiest £20 I would ever make.
(Fri 17th Feb 2006, 16:06, More)

» Crap meals out

Nightmare!
My (now ex) husband & I went for a night away at a hotel in the New Forest. We had a lovely room, and it all seemed quite nice until we came to eat. The food at dinner was pretty non-descript, but livened up by seemingly incessant plate smashing from the hilariously incompetent waitresses who seemed to be either 16 or 65+.

Best of all came at breakfast. The menu offered eggs done in a variety of ways so I chose boiled - they arrived rolling freely around on the plate. My suggestion that egg cups might be a good idea was met with a blank look from the spotty youth who was serving. We then tucked into the pile of toast served in a basket only to discover that all but the top slice was burned to a crisp. When we pointed it out to said spotty youth he replied with one word - "Nightmare!". It became a bit of a catchphrase for a while.
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 15:57, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

D.I.V.O.R.C.E
I knew my marriage was over when I discovered that my (now ex) husband had added a new website to his favourites: quickie-divorce.com.

On the porn vs girlfriend debate: My ex-husband didn't do porn & we had a largely rubbish sex life; my new boyfriend does and we... well, you can guess. That equation makes me think porn's fine thanks.

Is that intimate & personal enough for a first post?
(Tue 14th Feb 2006, 13:15, More)

» Mix Tapes

C30, C60, C90... Go!
I seem to remember that the real skill of the mix tape (apart from ensuring a sublime segue from song to song, obviously) was trying to time it so that you weren't left with either a big gap or half a song at the end of the tape. This is a lost art in these digital days.

My favourite & often used song to fill an awkward 1'45''ish gap was The Smiths' Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want from Hatful Of Hollow - a beautiful and even hopeful song. Being the anal type I couldn't let a song be cut off halfway through at the end of the side. I once ended a relationship because the bastard mistimed his mixtape and only gave me half of Kiss by Age Of Chance. Well, really. It was obvious we weren't suited.
(Fri 8th Feb 2008, 15:32, More)

» Voyeurism

Beware Bay Windows
Whilst at Uni in Glasgow I had a boyfriend who lived in a beautiful big tenement flat in the West End. His bedroom was next to the living room and they both had bay windows. Because the street was on a hill and it was a top floor flat the rooms weren't overlooked so it felt really private.

One day his flatmate's family were visiting from Hong Kong - mum, dad and innocent little 14 year old sister. Boyfriend & I decided a bit of afternoon delight was in order, so there we were in his room, him doing me enthusiastically from behind on the floor in the bay window, when something made me look up... to see a very shocked 14 year old Chinese girl looking across at us from the bay window in the living room.

No-one said anything, but I didn't go back to the flat until his flatmate's family were at 30,000 feet on their way back to the Orient.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 11:01, More)