» Evil Pranks

Studenty silliness
Not my prank unfortunately, but my housemates brother was at university at Cardiff, and his housemate went home for the weekend.
Now, as many of you will know being/having been fellow studenty types, this is just screaming for something to be done to the room. You get your standard turn things upside down, or steal all the furniture, or put condoms around as many objects as possible (happened to me, my pillow smelled of spermicide for days, not happy). However, they decided to go one step further.

Step one: Remove all furniture, carpets, the lot, so you have 4 walls, a floor and a ceiling.

Step two: Go to a local surfacing/landscaping company, and purchase a few square metres of turf

Stef three: Lay the turf in previously emptied room.

Step four: Being farmy types, and I think one of the pranksters was a vet student, acquire a goat.

Step five: Add the goat to the room, and voila! Farming on a mini scale!

Apparently when the guy got back he opened his door, and practically shat his guts from laughing so hard. Nice to see someone appreciating heroic effort for a few minutes of hilarity.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 23:28, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

He lives there..
Again, another one of those stories that isn't mine, and if you are being pedantic, I'm guessing it didn't hurt. But it doies involve rude bits..

I went to a medical school info course at nottingham uni a couple of years ago, and we went to different talks from all these different doctors and their specialities. This Paediatrician comes on, and he's a nice bloke, blah blah workign with kids is very rewarding etcetc (not in a fiddling way though, how dare you think such thoughts) and then he goes on about his training. Apparently when he was a junior doctor this bloke comes in complaining of constipation and his abdomen is all swollen and hard. So they take him down for a scan of some kind and find he's very, very clogged. So they decide to have an explore, so he snaps on his rubber gloves, lubes up, and goes chocolate caving.
Imagine his suprise when he grabs hold of something hard, square, and removes it to find a cheap tourists imitation of nelsons column covered in faeces.
When asked about the item, the patient snatches it out of the doctors hand, and rapidly shoves it back into his rectum, screaming, "Thats Nelson, he lives up there!"
(Tue 18th Jul 2006, 15:18, More)

» Housemates

Student pranks can sometimes be rather inventive...
I'll warn you now, this is a repost. I do think it is worth retelling though...

Not my prank unfortunately, but my housemates brother was at university at Cardiff, and his housemate went home for the weekend.
Now, as many of you will know being/having been fellow studenty types, this is just screaming for something to be done to the room. You get your standard turn things upside down, or steal all the furniture, or put condoms around as many objects as possible (happened to me, my pillow smelled of spermicide for days, not happy). However, they decided to go one step further.

Step one: Remove all furniture, carpets, the lot, so you have 4 walls, a floor and a ceiling.

Step two: Go to a local surfacing/landscaping company, and purchase a few square metres of turf

Step three: Lay the turf in previously emptied room.

Step four: Being farmy types, and I think one of the pranksters was a vet student, acquire a goat.

Step five: Add the goat to the room, and voila! Farming on a mini scale!

Apparently when the guy got back he opened his door, and practically shat his guts from laughing so hard. Nice to see someone appreciating heroic effort for a few minutes of hilarity.
(Thu 26th Feb 2009, 20:59, More)

» God

I can hear voices
Now, for some background, I'm an audiologist. Basically, all these shrivelled up, creaking and groaning old people come to me when they have problems with their hearing. We fit hearing aids, they can hear their bowels voiding into their colostomy bags again, joys all round.

However, we occasionally get people in who are a bit loopy. Such as the old nutter that decided his hearing aids let him hear God

I'm not taking the piss, this guy came in for a follow up and told me he could hear God through his hearing aids. I'd fitted him with them, and when I'd seen him the first time he seemed "fairly" sane. In that he wasn't undressing himself in front of me or asking me where the goblins come from (this has happened on more than one occasion - Devon, tch).

So he came in, sat down and said "Yeah, great, I can hear much better, but I can hear God now"

Riiiiiight. I proceed to joke with him that no hearing aid is that good, but he's not pulling my leg, he was deadly serious. Hmmmmmm

I asked him a few questions - What does he say? All the time? Can you hear any other deity or religious figure.

I just couldn't figure it out. I was in the process of referring him to a psychiatrist, checked his details, and then looked at his address. The Old Vicarage

"You don't by any chance live next to a church do you sir?"
"As a matter of fact, I do, why?"
"Because you are tuning into the sermons through your hearing aid, thats why*!"

Turns out he was telling the truth the whole time. Shows how much I think of religion I guess, I just assumed he was a crackpot.



*For the technical amongst you, he was on a loop system setting, which meant he was hearing what the church was broadcasting on their induction loop system.
(Thu 19th Mar 2009, 19:24, More)

» I witnessed a crime

Don't steal stuff from my dad!
Years ago when my dad used to work as an engineer dealing with pin brazing, (something to do with trains and tracks and welding i think, i was only little) he used to have loads of equipment in our garage for carrying out said works. Naturally, because it was quite a specialist area, the stuff was quite expensive, and also heavy.
We wake up one saturday morning, and find that the garage has been robbed, along with our neighbour, who happens to be a carpenter and so also had stuff nicked from his garage on the same night. Bummer, thinks us, lots of expensive stuff gone, thats gonna cost us a fortune.
However, as mentioned before, the pin brazing stuff is quite heavy, and my dad, in a moment of einstein-like lucidity of thought, decides that they can't have got far (although looking back, they could have more than resonably had a car). And, lo and behold, after less than a ten minute search, he discovers where the thieves have stashed all his stuff (where we lived backed on to some shrubby wasteland that had yet to be developed, so it's not a load of toss).
Now, my dad, being the kind of chap who doesnt like people moving a screwdriver out of its box without telling him, isn't exactly chirpy about little shits trying to steal his stuff. So he collaborates with our neighbour, Dave, to ambush them when they return to collect it the next day. So, Dave and my dad are camped out at night waiting for them to turn up, and, as predicted, two of them do. They jump from the bushes, scare the shit out of these two spotty pikeys, and proceed to give them a bit of a beating. Then the police are called, and all is well.

Oh and before the police got there, they got them to carry all the stuff back to the respective garages. My dad said "why have a dog and bark?". Made me well proud when I was 5 :D
(Fri 15th Feb 2008, 13:17, More)