» * PFFT *

Once the cat was under my covers
And I farted.

She pretty much immediately scrambled to get out - and I'm not even kidding - she had this look of total disgust on her face. Hahaha it was priceless :D
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 15:37, More)

» Mistaken Identity

My own MOTHER
About a year ago maybe, there was this horrific murder/body chopped up, put in suitcase & dumped in the harbour type happening in my city. Nasty stuff. Anyway, couple of days after it happened, my mum calls me up...

Mum: Were you in the city Thursday night?
Me: No, I was in Ponsonby.
Mum: Is that near Elliott Street?
Me: No... why?
Mum: Are you SURE?
Me: Yes, wtf mum?

Turns out the news had shown some security camera footage of three or four girls seen in the area at the time, who were wanted for questioning as possible witnesses. My mum swore black and blue that I was one of said girls, which I definitely wasn't.

I whined to my friend about my own mother not knowing what I look like and he confessed he thought it was me at first too, but knew it couldn't have been as he knew where I was at the time.

>_<
(Sat 2nd Jun 2007, 23:21, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Vacuum Boy
We had a kid who was utterly obsessed by vacuum cleaners. SO weird. Thinking back, he's probably got some kind of autism or something, but I came across his profile on one of those find-your-old-friends-from-school things... seems he's still exactly.the.same:

work at cotters Electrical I have a vacuum cleaner museum with 80 different vac's I have a big one that was made in the 30's a big vacuum chamber that is tall as a person, A big compressor pistons as round as a bread and butter plate, has a massive fly wheel with a 4 metre belt hooked up to a 3 phase motor restoring it. Biggest one I own. It has been abanden for 2 years no use so Its under tender loving care. Papanui High school was a great school. I sold teachers vacuum cleaners. I supplied Vacuum cleaners in the 4th form for the caretaker.I took them home and fixed them for the school and teachers. I was well known. People often asked me what the best vacuum is In my own personal opinion Tellus and nilfisk are the best one for a basic easy to use vacuum Kirby very expensive but the best upright I got one I like it but bags cost alot. I live with my Uncle at his popular shop. I made alot of friends staff friends etc.

No shit, that's his entire profile (well, who would make THAT up...?)

The other one was a Down's Syndrome kid who was a couple of years older than everyone else in our year, and scared the bejeebus out of us with his see-thru white swimming gear. At a time when nobody else had pubes. NICE.
(Mon 22nd Jan 2007, 12:20, More)

» Heckles

Not so much heckling...
but hassling nonetheless.

My friend and I, drunk as hell, figured that as the casino was just across the road from the pub we'd just been at, we'd go check it out, having recently turned 20 and never visited before.

Plan was foiled upon entrance - serious-faced security guard informs "Sorry, due to the dress code, we can't let you in - blue or black jeans are not allowed".

My friend pipes up with "So, you're allowed to wear like, green jeans, then?"

Security guard: "Er, yes, I suppose you are".

Me: "And so you could even wear those really hideous skanky white jeans?"

Security guard: "Um... well yeah, the dress code just states no black or blue jeans..."

Friend: "So I could go reeeally crazy and get a pair of jeans and paint them all different colours and that would be acceptable?"

Security guard: "...as long as they didn't have blue or black in them?"

I think we decided to skip off then - he'd had enough.

Apologies for slight irrelevance, rambliness and length - first QOTW post.
(Sat 8th Apr 2006, 8:42, More)

» Being told off as an adult

Treated like a child? Behave like one in return :D
A couple of months ago at my place of employment I somehow ended up taking a phonecall from some irate lady, can't even remember what she was complaining about but she wanted to talk to one of my 'higher ups', none of whom were in the office at that time.

So I tell her this and inform her that I will get someone to call her back as soon as is possible, blah blah blah. She's not happy about this and starts ripping into me over the phone, whilst I politely repeat that all I can do is get someone to get back to her.

I reckon she was actually crazy as she kept going off at me even though the original complaint was nothing to do with me at all, and I was trying to keep my cool (our calls are recorded so we have to play nice) when she came out with 'I am finding your attitude quite appalling' (wtf?)

What did I reply with?

'Well... I find YOUR attitude appalling!' (Well it's true, I did ;P))

I think that kinda threw her, surprised I didn't get pulled up for that actually! She was a biiiitch.
(Sun 23rd Sep 2007, 14:43, More)