Profile for sniffi the cat:
what did you expect? it was all crap anyway and now theyve been deleted lol, oh , perhaps not lol.
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- has posted 7 stories and 2 replies on question of the week
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what did you expect? it was all crap anyway and now theyve been deleted lol, oh , perhaps not lol.
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» Going Too Far
The Long Summer Holidays....
Years ago we were bored in the summer holidays so we got upto some mischief.
There was a kid down the road called David who was a bit simple,we used to wind him up sometimes.One day we told him to phone the Fire Brigade ,he rang them three times in an hour ,and each time gave them his name and address,of course there was no fire,so the police turned up and he got a bollocking and his mum and dad were distraught...hahahaha!
Later that week at my mate andy's house ,his mum had just spent all morning preparing the flower bed for planting and then she went out to get the summer bedding plants.
In the lovely fresh earth we decided to dig a trench and make a dam and test it using the hosepipe.
It was great fun and we made a right mess of the flowerbed and I got sent home.
Later in the summer it got really hot and we were messing around with the hosepipe again,sticking it in our mouths and then turning the tap on,andy's sister joined in and stuck it up her nose,we turned the tap on ,the water went in,she shrieked and her nostrils were pouring with blood,she had to go to the doctor because it wouldn't stop,how me and andy giggled,his mum was not happy to say the least.
About a week later me and andy were messing around in his cellar,his dad kept all manner of stuff in there and we found some aerosol freezer spray,we were spraying it at each other and his sister,i sprayed it on my tongue and it hurt like hell!
Of course andy decides to go one better, flops out his piece,peels back the foreskin and sprays the freezer spray all over his bell-end!
Screams of agony,his mum comes rushing down into the cellar ,i get sent home and he ended up in casualty....
It must be a nightmare for parents in the summer holidays...hahahahaha.....
(Sat 11th Nov 2006, 18:02, More)
The Long Summer Holidays....
Years ago we were bored in the summer holidays so we got upto some mischief.
There was a kid down the road called David who was a bit simple,we used to wind him up sometimes.One day we told him to phone the Fire Brigade ,he rang them three times in an hour ,and each time gave them his name and address,of course there was no fire,so the police turned up and he got a bollocking and his mum and dad were distraught...hahahaha!
Later that week at my mate andy's house ,his mum had just spent all morning preparing the flower bed for planting and then she went out to get the summer bedding plants.
In the lovely fresh earth we decided to dig a trench and make a dam and test it using the hosepipe.
It was great fun and we made a right mess of the flowerbed and I got sent home.
Later in the summer it got really hot and we were messing around with the hosepipe again,sticking it in our mouths and then turning the tap on,andy's sister joined in and stuck it up her nose,we turned the tap on ,the water went in,she shrieked and her nostrils were pouring with blood,she had to go to the doctor because it wouldn't stop,how me and andy giggled,his mum was not happy to say the least.
About a week later me and andy were messing around in his cellar,his dad kept all manner of stuff in there and we found some aerosol freezer spray,we were spraying it at each other and his sister,i sprayed it on my tongue and it hurt like hell!
Of course andy decides to go one better, flops out his piece,peels back the foreskin and sprays the freezer spray all over his bell-end!
Screams of agony,his mum comes rushing down into the cellar ,i get sent home and he ended up in casualty....
It must be a nightmare for parents in the summer holidays...hahahahaha.....
(Sat 11th Nov 2006, 18:02, More)
» Pubs
people in pubs.
At the local one night,a lad wanders upto the bar and says to the barman "I want my free beer please".
The barman chuckled and asked him politely what he wanted to drink,"NO ! " shouted the lad," I want my free beer !"
Barman " We haven't got any free beer,what are you having son?"
"I'm having my free beer! the sign says so !, I came in here yesterday and now it's today !!!,so I want my free beer !!!!"
By this point the lad was getting really agitated and starts shouting " look mate,the f****n' sign says free beer tomorrow ! "
The trouble was ,even after a few people intervened and tried to explain what the little brass plaque on the bar really meant ,the poor lad still didn't understand,and over the course of the year tried it again a few times but was eventually permanently barred from the establishment.
Another memorable night , somebody brought in a bag of Courgettes from their Allotment,and a very sexy barmaid started fondling the biggest one,digging her nails into it,"oooh" she said,"look at all the milky juice coming out of it",the pub erupted in smutty laughter !
Later on the same night,after closing ,a large group of regulars had gathered outside in the car park,the barmaid from earlier was at the centre of the attention,unfortunately her car had a flat tyre,and try as she might,she couldn't pump it up,so a regular who was watching the short skirted,high heeled courgette fondling beauty quipped in "why don't you just bend over and give it a blow love ?".Poor girl was a tad embarrassed.
Courgettes,brass plaques, barmaids and free beer tomorrow ,all good fun .
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 22:40, More)
people in pubs.
At the local one night,a lad wanders upto the bar and says to the barman "I want my free beer please".
The barman chuckled and asked him politely what he wanted to drink,"NO ! " shouted the lad," I want my free beer !"
Barman " We haven't got any free beer,what are you having son?"
"I'm having my free beer! the sign says so !, I came in here yesterday and now it's today !!!,so I want my free beer !!!!"
By this point the lad was getting really agitated and starts shouting " look mate,the f****n' sign says free beer tomorrow ! "
The trouble was ,even after a few people intervened and tried to explain what the little brass plaque on the bar really meant ,the poor lad still didn't understand,and over the course of the year tried it again a few times but was eventually permanently barred from the establishment.
Another memorable night , somebody brought in a bag of Courgettes from their Allotment,and a very sexy barmaid started fondling the biggest one,digging her nails into it,"oooh" she said,"look at all the milky juice coming out of it",the pub erupted in smutty laughter !
Later on the same night,after closing ,a large group of regulars had gathered outside in the car park,the barmaid from earlier was at the centre of the attention,unfortunately her car had a flat tyre,and try as she might,she couldn't pump it up,so a regular who was watching the short skirted,high heeled courgette fondling beauty quipped in "why don't you just bend over and give it a blow love ?".Poor girl was a tad embarrassed.
Courgettes,brass plaques, barmaids and free beer tomorrow ,all good fun .
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 22:40, More)
» Procrastination
oh see dee !
do you know anyone whose house is always in a tip,loads of stuff hoarded away,and all types of electronic gear partially dismantled,bathroom dismantled,door handles removed,cars dismantled,radiators removed ?
and do they usually say "i'm busy" or " i've got hundreds of things to do" ? and are they always looking at pron or just staring out of the window or squeezing blackheads in the mirror?
are they 45 plus and never had a relationship?
if they are ,then that is a real procrastinator.
(Fri 14th Nov 2008, 19:41, More)
oh see dee !
do you know anyone whose house is always in a tip,loads of stuff hoarded away,and all types of electronic gear partially dismantled,bathroom dismantled,door handles removed,cars dismantled,radiators removed ?
and do they usually say "i'm busy" or " i've got hundreds of things to do" ? and are they always looking at pron or just staring out of the window or squeezing blackheads in the mirror?
are they 45 plus and never had a relationship?
if they are ,then that is a real procrastinator.
(Fri 14th Nov 2008, 19:41, More)
» Tightwads
the miser
A retired bloke I know is a real miser.
he's got a good pension and had a decent job,no kids,not married ,lives in a large house.
his house hasn't been decorated since 1979.
his car and washing machine were given to him by his neighbour.
he rarely buys anything new and if he ever does,the deliberations and bargain scouring take weeks if not months.
He got his pc off his neighbour for free and uses their wireless broadband,no charge.
his oven broke ,so at christmas ,he buys a chicken and drives round to his old mams house to cook it there , then brings it back home,can't be arsed buying a replacement for the 30 year old oven !
all the food he buys is value,or reduced,he's the original yellow ticket hunter in a well known supermarket !
beer is one of his vices,but its got to be the cheapest pub in town.
I bought him a christmas present one year, a good (and somewhat rare) bottle of wine,however ,the next christmas ,I received a present from him , "I know you like this one" he said to me,I asked him where he'd got it from,"oh,it was in me cellar with the rest of them", the trouble was,it was the bottle i'd given him the previous christmas .
he's got about 200 bottles of wine in his cellar,and they're very dusty !
He'll really go to some extreme lengths to get things repaired,phoning all sorts of people to get the best deal,taking ages, or he just goes without.
The worst side of his character is the moaning about the cost of everything.
He'll die a millionaire (on paper) and his distant relations will inherit his miserly amassed fortune.
it's unnecessary self imposed poverty.
and then there's the hoarding,all types of junk etc, " don't throw owt away" might come in useful someday...someday ...
(Sat 25th Oct 2008, 18:08, More)
the miser
A retired bloke I know is a real miser.
he's got a good pension and had a decent job,no kids,not married ,lives in a large house.
his house hasn't been decorated since 1979.
his car and washing machine were given to him by his neighbour.
he rarely buys anything new and if he ever does,the deliberations and bargain scouring take weeks if not months.
He got his pc off his neighbour for free and uses their wireless broadband,no charge.
his oven broke ,so at christmas ,he buys a chicken and drives round to his old mams house to cook it there , then brings it back home,can't be arsed buying a replacement for the 30 year old oven !
all the food he buys is value,or reduced,he's the original yellow ticket hunter in a well known supermarket !
beer is one of his vices,but its got to be the cheapest pub in town.
I bought him a christmas present one year, a good (and somewhat rare) bottle of wine,however ,the next christmas ,I received a present from him , "I know you like this one" he said to me,I asked him where he'd got it from,"oh,it was in me cellar with the rest of them", the trouble was,it was the bottle i'd given him the previous christmas .
he's got about 200 bottles of wine in his cellar,and they're very dusty !
He'll really go to some extreme lengths to get things repaired,phoning all sorts of people to get the best deal,taking ages, or he just goes without.
The worst side of his character is the moaning about the cost of everything.
He'll die a millionaire (on paper) and his distant relations will inherit his miserly amassed fortune.
it's unnecessary self imposed poverty.
and then there's the hoarding,all types of junk etc, " don't throw owt away" might come in useful someday...someday ...
(Sat 25th Oct 2008, 18:08, More)
» Procrastination
oh seedy...
procrastination.the electrical handyman's woes.
(based on someone i know)
8 years ago,friends aged parents "can you fix me wideo recorder",
"yeah just bring it round",5 years later : " i see that video's still here in bits","yeah i'm doing it" "are gonna do something about it or shall i bin it for you ?" ,"i'll phone up owner,hello do you remember me i'm repairing yer video,you still want it back,you do, oh right good, its just that someone was trying to throw it on the tip like an idiot".
" see ! they still want the video ! "
just recently,eight years after original aquirement" see that vids still not repaired"," yeah i'm doing it ,been trawling the net for 2 years trying to get obsolete parts that went out in 1990".
" just chuck it away"," nah bad for environment,give it a few more years,something'll come up ".
multiply that by 100 videos/tellies/computers/radios/radiators door handles/pron/squeezing blackheads in mirror/junkmail/etc etc etc. : procrastination.
jesus.45,never had relationship.
(Mon 17th Nov 2008, 13:14, More)
oh seedy...
procrastination.the electrical handyman's woes.
(based on someone i know)
8 years ago,friends aged parents "can you fix me wideo recorder",
"yeah just bring it round",5 years later : " i see that video's still here in bits","yeah i'm doing it" "are gonna do something about it or shall i bin it for you ?" ,"i'll phone up owner,hello do you remember me i'm repairing yer video,you still want it back,you do, oh right good, its just that someone was trying to throw it on the tip like an idiot".
" see ! they still want the video ! "
just recently,eight years after original aquirement" see that vids still not repaired"," yeah i'm doing it ,been trawling the net for 2 years trying to get obsolete parts that went out in 1990".
" just chuck it away"," nah bad for environment,give it a few more years,something'll come up ".
multiply that by 100 videos/tellies/computers/radios/radiators door handles/pron/squeezing blackheads in mirror/junkmail/etc etc etc. : procrastination.
jesus.45,never had relationship.
(Mon 17th Nov 2008, 13:14, More)