» Terrible Parenting

I got a Mars Bar for my stepmother - bloody good swap, that!
I wish!

Let's see...
Stepmother from hell - check.
Useless dad always away at work - check
Three bitchy older sisters - check.

I had a great time as a kid. A stepmother who belted crap out of me daily, not for things I'd done but for what I hadn't done but should have! I have plenty of scars from various implements, and would get more beltings if I tried to avoid the first one.

Dad was a university lecturer, and always away. She was luverley when he was at home, but hell-spawn when he was away. If I complained, she'd smack me around when he left. Iron bar, cricket bat, all fair game.

Long story short - I left home at 12, and came back at 17 when I had grown up and filled out. Scared her that much that she pissed herself quite literally. That gave me a warm inner glow and I got on with life. Aaaaaah!

She's got cancer now, and is a withered pathetic husk of a person. I giggle when I see her. Tee hee hee. Oh yes, tee hee hee!

(back away slowly and don't make eye contact)
(Mon 20th Aug 2007, 23:48, More)

» Crappy relationships

Don't believe the ones with the good reputations, kids
I had a twelve-year relationship with a bloke who didn't live up to his reputation.

I'd known this fella for most of my life. My dear old nan thought he was lovely, my parents admired him, relatives thought he was ace and most people who knew him thought he was pretty all-right. It started innocently enough; heard about him and thought he was worth chasing. An older Middle-Eastern man, he was quite smooth and convincing, if more by reputation than by personal experience.

I settled into a relationship where I shared everything with him, thought of him when I woke up, spent time talking with him throughout the day, learnt what I could about his views, talked to others about him. Yeah, you could say I was kind-of obsessed. I gave him time, I gave him money and I tried anything to please him.

As the years went by, things cooled. Lots of others chased him and I felt like he didn't give a shit. His friends gave me a hard time and I got to the point where I felt that nothing I did made a difference and I couldn't do anything right. My efforts were ignored and it was like I didn't exist.

I eventually left, and his friends tried to make me feel like shit and convince me to stick around. Leaving him lifted a burden of guilt and depression from my shoulders.

I met a lovely lady and realised where I was meant to be. We're now married and my previous relationship is now an example of what not to do.

As for him, he'll be fine. He has plenty of people vying for his time and attention and I don't need to try anymore.

That Jesus fella isn't what he's cracked up to be.

*edit* I realised that I haven't really pointed out one thing he did, but it's the best bad relationship story I can think of...
(Mon 25th Oct 2010, 6:08, More)

» Cringe!

Gotta love Australian expressions...
I stayed overnight on with a farming family a few years ago. Had a great time, played games with the kids, talked and drank wine late into the night with the parents and adult kids. Happy memories.

The following morning, I was in my car, ready to go, with sad farewells. As Mr and Mrs Farmer and their eight kids (aged 20 down to 18 months) stood waving me goodbye (as you do in the bush), I waved back and uttered the classic Aussie farewell;

"See ya later, when your legs are straighter!"

The kids waved back, their dad (a gentle and wise man, who died three years later, way too young) smiled while saying nothing.

He had polio.

The kind of polio that results in really misshapen legs and a huge limp.

It hit me about twenty seconds later as I was driving out their front gate.

Ouch! I called him twenty minutes later once I found a public phone in the nearest town (no mobile reception) and apologised. He reassured me it was nothing and invited me back for lunch. I ended up staying two more days and all was good.

Length? Twenty seconds from utterance to mind-numbing, dizzy-headed shame,
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 23:54, More)

» Guilty Secrets

I'll stop when I need glasses
I pleasured myself.

It was vere fluffeh

I finished just then.

When you were reading the first line.
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 14:51, More)