» Social Networking Gaffes

I'd just met my current girlfriend
we were both 21 and I and was thoroughly enjoying showing her off to friends and family - I even made a facebook account for her (expressly so that my own page could reflect my own 'in a relationship' status) and uploaded a super-sexy profile pic for her.

I showed her and she wasn't thrilled. After commandeering the account she added her favourite photo of herself (to her otherwise empty profile) as her new profile pic - and that is how I came to be in a relationship with an eight year-old.

I'm massive.
(Wed 17th Sep 2008, 17:09, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Our customers are far dirtier than our staff..
I work for the metropolitan public transport authority in a city in Australia (not mentioning which..). I do work in the information line call centre as well as do ordinary officey type things, but the call centre is always the most interesting.

All of the nutters we have call... makes you really grateful there are laws preventing them from driving. This one kid calls atleast once a day, "letting us know" that such'n'such a bus is 3 minutes late, thinking he's doing us a favour. He also has an oyster card (travel card) and calls about that every day too checking up on the fares he's been charged. And myth in the office says he’s got a two way radio or something tuned in to depots wave length and listens to the drivers talking about the routes they’re doing all day. I’d believe it. But the saddest thing about this kid isn't his complete obsession with buses; it's his name - Julian. *sigh*

I was recently abused by a woman demanding to know where the baby bonus in her tax refund was.. when I informed her that she had in fact called the wrong number she blasted down the phone that thats what the thieving piece of scum she spoke to last time said, but she was onto us and was going to get her money whether I liked it or not and that A Current Affair would be very interested in her story and that I'll be sorry.

Suckers also call demanding a refund of things like an 8 cent overcharge on their oyster card... then call back in a few hours to check its been done.... then call back a few hours later to make a complaint about it taking so long to be done. We do remind them that every phone call is costing them at least 30 cents, but they maintain that it’s a ‘matter of principal!’. Usually it turns out they're calling from their work phone though..

Also, all the lazy derro kids who call to find out when their bus is coming, and you can tell its always the same people, calling from their mobiles. As soon as they bark their demand for info down the phone without saying please I turn into a blubbering idiot. "Oh sorry.. so it's a bus time you're after? Oh, ok, and what time was it? I mean, what bus was it? Oh.... just let me look to see if I have that one... Could you spell that street name for me? Ohhhh you want Main St! That one can be confusing.. And you want to catch it now do you..? Oh, really, ok, maybe if I just type "Bus" in here.. oop no, sorry.... I hope this isn't costing you too much...premium call rates this is you know.... *tapper tapper, type type*.. my computer is just playing up today!" Where as the second the word please crosses their lips it's as simple as "Your next bus is at 3:10, so in around 14 minutes. Goodbye"

At the train stations there are information boxes with timetables and ticket info as well a button to press that announces when the next train is due. Right next to that button is one that connects the passenger with us at the call centre, but it's just for emergencies - all of the info passengers could need is written in front of them. At night especialy on weekends people press the buttons just for a laugh.. entertainment while waiting for the train. When the call comes through and there's no one answering at the other end we like to say things like "The button doesn't press itself... I can see you.. Look up and smile for the camera" But one of my friends (afterhours, when management has gone home) like to shout to the stations "HELP ME! IM TRAPPED INSIDE THIS BOX, GET ME OUT!!" and then wait for the sounds of the drunks who pressed the button to start kicking at the machine. Works every time!

Working in the public sector is fantastic only because of the idiocy of the public. The things people leave on busses. Old people often leave groceries then remember a few days later that they bought a frozen chicken and a box of Cadbury Favorites and three navel oranges and call us to find out where they can pick them up from, and always find it really hard to understand that they can’t have things like that back....

I make no apologies for length.... this is only just scratching the surface.
(Sun 30th Sep 2007, 16:29, More)