Profile for Jimocles:
another Kiwi B3tard
ignoring the mounting pile on my desk in
Whanganui.
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Best answers to questions:
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- a member for 18 years, 0 months and 5 days
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- has posted 5 stories and 3 replies on question of the week
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another Kiwi B3tard
ignoring the mounting pile on my desk in
Whanganui.
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» Redundant technology
Razors
I finally got utterly fed up of getting ripped off by Gillette, and have reverted to the old style Double Edge safety razor, complete with shaving brush and soap.
It is brilliant, takes a little longer, mostly through fear, but it delivers a far better shave and is a bit of an event in the morning now if you like a bit of self indulgent pampering involving very sharp objects. And Wifey loves it so I get more kisses, wins all round. To scared to give a straight razor a go though.
(Fri 5th Nov 2010, 3:19, More)
Razors
I finally got utterly fed up of getting ripped off by Gillette, and have reverted to the old style Double Edge safety razor, complete with shaving brush and soap.
It is brilliant, takes a little longer, mostly through fear, but it delivers a far better shave and is a bit of an event in the morning now if you like a bit of self indulgent pampering involving very sharp objects. And Wifey loves it so I get more kisses, wins all round. To scared to give a straight razor a go though.
(Fri 5th Nov 2010, 3:19, More)
» Schadenfreude
Kamikaze Chicken
Once upon a time when I used to be in the Navy, we were loading stores onboard ship
this is always done by hand by the old human chain system.
On this fateful day we were loading up the freezer and I happened to be at the top of a hatch passing boxes down
to another bloke standing halfway down the ladder (think very steep narrow stairs rather than a conventional ladder)
The box of frozen chickens I was passing down fell apart as it was all soggy from having sat around far to long to
be refrozen (but refrozen it would be.) one of the chickens managed to slide between the rungs of the ladder and
fell down another hatch directly below all up a fall of over 4 metres.
I hear a big yell from down the bottom and ask "you alright mate?"
to get a reply from a dockyard worker "no I'm fucking not!"
At which point I was laughing like a loon..whilst it must of been like getting a brick dropped on you
and his head was well and truly split open all I could think of was this poor bugger going home to his Missus
who would no doubt ask "what happened to you" and having to explain "a chicken fell on me"
as a side note when I got hauled up in front of the XO as part of the inevitible health and safety investigation
there were lots of chicken flying coop remarks that made me feel a bit better as he was trying as hard as I not to laugh, and I
got off scott free.
The supply officer however was a cunt who reckoned it was my fault that he had so much paperwork as a result.
(Fri 18th Dec 2009, 1:12, More)
Kamikaze Chicken
Once upon a time when I used to be in the Navy, we were loading stores onboard ship
this is always done by hand by the old human chain system.
On this fateful day we were loading up the freezer and I happened to be at the top of a hatch passing boxes down
to another bloke standing halfway down the ladder (think very steep narrow stairs rather than a conventional ladder)
The box of frozen chickens I was passing down fell apart as it was all soggy from having sat around far to long to
be refrozen (but refrozen it would be.) one of the chickens managed to slide between the rungs of the ladder and
fell down another hatch directly below all up a fall of over 4 metres.
I hear a big yell from down the bottom and ask "you alright mate?"
to get a reply from a dockyard worker "no I'm fucking not!"
At which point I was laughing like a loon..whilst it must of been like getting a brick dropped on you
and his head was well and truly split open all I could think of was this poor bugger going home to his Missus
who would no doubt ask "what happened to you" and having to explain "a chicken fell on me"
as a side note when I got hauled up in front of the XO as part of the inevitible health and safety investigation
there were lots of chicken flying coop remarks that made me feel a bit better as he was trying as hard as I not to laugh, and I
got off scott free.
The supply officer however was a cunt who reckoned it was my fault that he had so much paperwork as a result.
(Fri 18th Dec 2009, 1:12, More)
» Workplace Boredom
car dealers are in fact twats
well upon moving town to be with the lovely Mrs Jimocles (she will be feb 28th) to a rather small city in the antiopodeans I've ended up working for a car manufacturer looking after all the car dealers for our particular make. And everything you have heard about car dealers is spot on, and these are new car dealers whom are supposedly less predatory than used car dealers....are they fuck!!!!
Anywho what little work I do involves these fuckers who I despise, which ensures two things A. it gets done slowly and B. it gets done badly if at all.
My supposed boss is too cowardly to call me up on it. and my collegue who thinks he's my boss is an ex car dealer so I'm sure you can imagine how much I care about his opinion. Or his workplace bullying or complete inability to spell the simplest of words. When the fool asked me what "plateau" meant (in the context sales have plateaued) my reports have become literary masterpieces, why use a 3 letter word when 4 x 15 letter words will do.
sorry I'm just venting now
(Fri 9th Jan 2009, 9:47, More)
car dealers are in fact twats
well upon moving town to be with the lovely Mrs Jimocles (she will be feb 28th) to a rather small city in the antiopodeans I've ended up working for a car manufacturer looking after all the car dealers for our particular make. And everything you have heard about car dealers is spot on, and these are new car dealers whom are supposedly less predatory than used car dealers....are they fuck!!!!
Anywho what little work I do involves these fuckers who I despise, which ensures two things A. it gets done slowly and B. it gets done badly if at all.
My supposed boss is too cowardly to call me up on it. and my collegue who thinks he's my boss is an ex car dealer so I'm sure you can imagine how much I care about his opinion. Or his workplace bullying or complete inability to spell the simplest of words. When the fool asked me what "plateau" meant (in the context sales have plateaued) my reports have become literary masterpieces, why use a 3 letter word when 4 x 15 letter words will do.
sorry I'm just venting now
(Fri 9th Jan 2009, 9:47, More)
» The Weird Kid In Class
a few select choices
Paul Rodwell, alot of schools have them the kids who run non stop all day long, and I mean non stop, he was quite handy on the rugby field apart from the fact he would never pass or even let go of the ball....ever, we had to ruck the fuck out of him just to get the ball out.
but the true weirdos I met during a stint in the Navy, where on one ship you never wanted to open a locker cos this bloke was always getting found in them naked covered in furniture polish, his party trick was fitting a whole bar of soap in his foreskin...which is quite startling if you have never seen that before
another guy in training ran around a stairwell for hours on end holding a clock spouting some nonsense about gnomes although I have long held the suspicion he was doing a Cpl Clinger he did get a medical discharge though....result I guess
(Sat 20th Jan 2007, 9:59, More)
a few select choices
Paul Rodwell, alot of schools have them the kids who run non stop all day long, and I mean non stop, he was quite handy on the rugby field apart from the fact he would never pass or even let go of the ball....ever, we had to ruck the fuck out of him just to get the ball out.
but the true weirdos I met during a stint in the Navy, where on one ship you never wanted to open a locker cos this bloke was always getting found in them naked covered in furniture polish, his party trick was fitting a whole bar of soap in his foreskin...which is quite startling if you have never seen that before
another guy in training ran around a stairwell for hours on end holding a clock spouting some nonsense about gnomes although I have long held the suspicion he was doing a Cpl Clinger he did get a medical discharge though....result I guess
(Sat 20th Jan 2007, 9:59, More)
» Picky Eaters
1977
one fateful day in 1977 dad took me to see Star Wars, this was obviously a huge treat (a better one than when the bastard took me to see Jaws at 8 years old) and as such the old man asks what lollies do you want so of course I say give me the biggest fuck off bag of marshmellows known to man (well thats what it seemed like to me seeing I was about 5) I promptly scoffed the lot threw up all over the poor bloke sitting in front of me, and scarred him for life I'm sure.
But to this day I cannot even smell a marshmellow or even anything its been near without feeling sick
(Thu 8th Mar 2007, 8:37, More)
1977
one fateful day in 1977 dad took me to see Star Wars, this was obviously a huge treat (a better one than when the bastard took me to see Jaws at 8 years old) and as such the old man asks what lollies do you want so of course I say give me the biggest fuck off bag of marshmellows known to man (well thats what it seemed like to me seeing I was about 5) I promptly scoffed the lot threw up all over the poor bloke sitting in front of me, and scarred him for life I'm sure.
But to this day I cannot even smell a marshmellow or even anything its been near without feeling sick
(Thu 8th Mar 2007, 8:37, More)